Japan · Life

Tell me about your struggles with infertility…

I had a salad for dinner.  Generally, if you tell a Japanese woman that you had a salad for dinner, she will ask you if you’re on a diet.  No, I am not on a diet.  (I don’t believe in diets.  I believe in eating healthy.  FYI.)  In America, a salad can be a meal.  In Japan, it cannot.  Here most restaurants serve you a small salad before your meal.  It’s generally 95% cabbage, 5% some other vegetable (is that daikon?), and 1 leaf of lettuce (literally 1).  Seriously, this is considered a salad.  This is NOT, I repeat NOT a salad.  I need dark greens, cheese, nuts or seeds, and tons of veggies topped with homemade dressing.  THAT’S a meal.

Still seeing plenty of babies on any given day.  Sigh.  Soon, I hope.  Today I also managed to spot two girls with stick legs wearing the most ridiculous platform high heels one size too big.  I can’t understand this culture’s obsession with high heels and dieting.  I used to be able to wear high heels.  I can’t anymore.  I also can’t imagine wearing them in Japan where there are tons of stairs to navigate and endless walking.  Speaking of walking, I didn’t exercise today.  I felt really foggy this morning and decided to take the bus instead of riding my bicycle.  There goes the exercise, but I am afraid I might be coming down with something.  I hope it’s merely passing.  EVERYONE is sick right now.  It’s so gross.

I teach private English lessons (something many foreigners in Japan do).  My two students are 8 and 6.  Today I found out their mom is 48 and she said she had the older one at 39 and the younger one at 41.  She confessed to me this evening that to have these two children it took 14 years, lots of tears, many failures, and a fuckton (that’s a unit of measurement) of money.  This is something I didn’t know.  Well, rightly so.  Can you imagine?  “Now before we can start these English lessons, tell me about your struggles with infertility.”  She also said she can recommend a good doctor (obviously a successful doctor if nothing else) if need be.  I hope it doesn’t come to that but it’s nice to know that the option exists.  It’s hopeful.

Speaking of hope and aging, my cousin had her first child at 38.  My sister had my adorable niece at 33.  I clutch these stories tightly when I feel the weight of my age bearing down on me.  I try not to but it also helps sometimes to think of older celebrity moms.  However, I think that almost anything is possible with unlimited funds, but I can’t speak to most celebrity fertility (Chrissy Teigan excluded).  Aside: Chrissy and Tyra are right, you know.  I got married in 2014.  In 2015, I visited some friends in my hometown (hardly a year after I had been married).  “When are you gonna have kids?” I was asked.  Do me a favor eh?  Don’t ask women this.  Don’t ask anyone this.  It’s such an intrusive question which can be hurtful to women struggling with (in)fertility.  Just don’t ask.

These are my musings tonight.  Even though we haven’t started this cycle, TTC is weighing heavily on me tonight.


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