Life

This morning…

This morning my glasses broke.  This morning I lied in bed and cried.  Big gasping tears. I didn’t cry because my glasses broke. This morning I cried because I had yet another low temperature.  This morning my husband comforted me.  He said maybe my ovulation has just been delayed somehow.  He’s such a wonderful person I just can’t even believe it sometimes.  This morning he told me not to be so worried about it. He said he’d come home early tonight.  Where is ovulation?  Why is life so stressful?  Why can’t things be easier right now while we’re TTC. 

I keep thinking to myself.  Hold on.  In a few weeks the next few months throughout the end of the year will be easier.  Many stressors will be gone and everything will go smoothly from that point on.  I just want to fast forward life to the end of March. Why doesn’t this come with a fast forward button?  Last night I was so hopeful.  This will be it.  Tomorrow I will get a jump.  This morning there was nothing.  This morning I sunk down into the mattress.  I was hoping I wouldn’t have to get up and do the life thing today.

I’m not a religious person.  I don’t pray, but I’m hoping.  I’m hoping so hard that this will happen for us.  I wish someone would have told me trying to have a baby would be difficult. Had I been told this earlier in life I would have been better prepared.  It’s too late to worry about that now.  All I can do is tell you.

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