Life

Sunday night…

Maybe the prince and I aren’t meant to have children.  I’m currently sucking back tears, big gulping sobs.  This has been the worst day follower by an even worse night.

The dog had a horrible bout of food aggression this evening, and she bit me not once but twice.  Her teeth aren’t very sharp, and I managed to pull away but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt (my hand and my heart).  When I came into the kitchen crying and said I was stressed out the prince said nothing.  Not even an “are you okay?”  This upset me further and started an argument.

The argument is now over with no resolution and he’s shut up in his office, and I’m in bed trying not to cry anymore.  Nothing went as planned and this day was just one big disaster.  I’m so sad and I just want him to come in here and hug me, hold me, and say “I love you” but he’s so stubborn I don’t see that happening and that wishful situation just brought the tears back.

I’m certain the argument was an amalgamation of many things: stress about the dog, my work, his overworking, this day being ruined, just everything.

I’m most worried about the amount of stress in our lives being detrimental to our TTC.  I can’t seem to win.  Stay calm.  Don’t be stressed and you’ll have a better chance of conceiving.  But how can I?  Every time I try life has some other nasty thing to throw at me.  How will we ever conceive if we’re always stressed?  Will the stress ever let up?  Will we ever have our babies?  I’m feeling tired, sick, and sad.  I just want this day to be over.

Most of all I miss my prince and a small part of me misses the babies I’ve never even met.

Princess Serenity (now)

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