Finding joy…

I started listening to these Fertility Friday podcasts.  The one I started with is called “The Emotional Connection to Fertility” and it’s about how your thoughts and feelings affect your fertility.  The guest, author of Yes, You Can Get Pregnant Aimee Raupp, says that when couples start TTC , they tend to focus on only that and they lose that joy they once had in their lives.  She recommends finding something in your life that brings you joy.  It doesn’t have to be a big thing.  It doesn’t have to be an expensive thing.  It can be anything.

This made me think about my life.  What brings me joy?  What is something that I enjoy doing that’s not TTC related?

  1. Doing things with my husband brings me joy (things like going to the farmer’s market or a restaurant).
  2. Traveling brings me joy.
  3. Talking and laughing with my friends brings me joy.
  4. Watching TV brings me joy.
  5. If I can do it without making many mistakes, sewing brings me joy.
  6. Writing brings me joy.

I manage to consistently do numbers 1-4 (as consistently as money allows #2), but #5 and #6 have fallen to the wayside.  I last sewed something in January.  I made two dresses.  The first was fine but the second one was a little tight, so I was afraid to make anything else for fear that it wouldn’t fit because I gained a little weight after being injured last year.  I should just buck up and make something out of knit.  The last thing on this list is writing.  I’m not talking about this blog although writing this blog does bring me joy especially when people read it.  For a long long time I’ve wanted to be a writer (my career path when I first started college but since changed).  I’ve written many short stories and one novel.  None of which have been published.  I submitted many things for publication back when snail mail was a thing, and I received nothing but rejection letters.  Of course, this stung, time and again.  I haven’t written anything in a few years.  I attribute this writer’s block to a lack of muse.  My muses have appeared in many shapes in my writing.  Usually a muse manifests as a character, and if I am your protagonist (almost always except in the case of my novel), my muse is generally a love interest.  These muses have been people I’ve loved (not always romantic some friendly love), but don’t get me wrong not everyone I’ve loved has been a muse (kind of hard to explain this muse thing).  When I think about the ones who grace my pages, the romantic loves are always the ones we shouldn’t love.  (Those make the most interesting characters right?)  No one is interested in reading about a happily married couple (unless something propels them into some interesting situation).  We want our stories to be turbulent and sometimes dark.  We want turmoil and trauma, but we need our happy endings.  We want our characters to fight and bleed but not to die.  We want action, adventure, fantasy, drama, comedy, horror, and sometimes we want them in the same book.  This is why we read.  We want to spend some time with people so different from us who we sometimes can relate to and sometimes not.

To be honest, I got a little ache writing this.  I want to go back into the worlds I’ve created.  I want to see my paper children.  I want to play God and shape their past, present, and future.  I think I’ve found my joy.  I’m going to try to write something every day.  Be it a small edit or a new chapter.  If I am never published, so be it, but at least I enjoyed the journey I took with my characters.  I’m going to dub my future children my muses as they may be the only ones who ever read my stories.  I’m going to imagine them going through boxes and finding printed pages or a flash drive/hard drive with my stories.  Maybe they’ll be impressed with my work or horrified that their old mum wrote about sex so casually.  Regardless, it’s for them.

I’ll keep you posted, my friends on my writing progress.  To my small joy each day.

Princess Serenity

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