Last night I slept better that I had in recent nights and I slept in (something really unusual for me). This morning the prince and I had a talk. We talked about how much I hated my job. I cried. He said I should quit. He would support me. I could have health insurance from his company. I hadn’t even told him about the nanny thing yet. After talking about the nanny gig, he was for it. I expressed my fears about things not working out. What if the baby and I didn’t like each other? What if we didn’t mesh well? (Silly, of course, children love me even random Japanese children who often don’t smile at anyone seem to take to me too.) I came up with a plan. I would continue working at my job and take on the nanny job part time as well. If things worked out with the nanny job, I would quit my job later this year. This may or may not put extra stress on me but I would have a back up plan if things nanny wise didn’t work out. This leaves me with more peace of mind than if I were to abruptly quit my job. This also might be a stress reliever because I would know I am going to leave that stressful place in the future. Every day I count my blessings as to how lucky I am to have such a supportive husband. Sure, we may argue. I think every couple does (despite the pictures FB paints of relationships). But this man is and always has been my rock. He keeps my from floating away. He keeps me grounded. He is the sensible man to my dreamer. He keeps me sane.
In other news, I think I’m having a midlife crisis. Like shit. When I started community college in (when?) 1998, it wasn’t long after that that I decided I wanted to be a writer. When I found out I probably couldn’t make a substantial living off of writing I abruptly changed career paths. I love my career. I’m damn good at what I do, but it was never what I originally wanted to do with my life. Since I started writing again, I remembered I wanted to be a writer. I don’t need to be Stephen King famous. I just want my work to be loved. Don’t we all?
So I want to quit my job. I want to write. I want to have a baby. This is a midlife crisis isn’t it? So what is the shape of things to come? I don’t even know anymore. I know that my relationship with my husband is the only thing sitting on solid ground. Everything else is rocky, and it’s exciting and scary. I feel better than I’ve ever felt about things. It’s exhilarating.