Life

Sex…

I love sex.  I love reading about sex.  I love watching sex scenes on TV and in movies.  I love writing about sex.  I love thinking about sex.

While the lines can be blurred and crossed and transcended generally you have dominant and submissive personality types.  (See above where I said these can both be present in one person even during sex.)

For example, in everyday life I am a very aggressive person.  I am bossy.  I take what I want.  I don’t make excuses or ask people to forgive my behavior.  Generally speaking.  However, behind closed doors and under sheets (or on top of them), I am the exact opposite.  I hate to be the aggressor where sex is concerned.  It gives me no pleasure to take what I want in the bedroom.  I want to be taken, possessed, desired.  Now you know my secret.

TTC shatters your sex life, kids.  I’m not gonna hide anything from you.  It takes anything that was enjoyable about your sex life and makes it mundane, a chore.  I’m not the only one who will say this.  I’m sure many other couples actively TTC will say the same.

I think he used to, my memory is fuzzy, but my husband no longer initiates sex.  This makes me the aggressor where sex is concerned and generally unhappy and irritated from the start.  I’ve tried to talk to him about this.  It’s produced no change in his behavior.  In addition to this, most of the time he can’t be in the moment.  He’s so focused on shooting out sperm that he can’t enjoy himself.  We’ve talked about this as well.  Unfortunately, nothing has changed in that respect either.

So we are at an impasse.  Despite dialogue, despite conversation, nothing has changed.  Of course, I love my husband.  I love being with him and traversing through live with him but TTC has killed our sex life.

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