Sometimes I am afraid that the reason Prince Endymion and I haven’t been successful is that maybe children are not meant to be a part of our future. Of course, this comes on the heels of yet another fight where I’m currently in the bedroom crying and the prince is barricaded in his office pouting once again.
Let me tell you how ridiculous this argument was. At dinner I mentioned my friend had just had plastic surgery and how if given the opportunity I would love to have my chins sculpted into one lovely defined chin. My chins are hereditary (thanks no thanks Dad). The prince was so shocked by this that he immediately began treating me oddly. When I tried to say goodnight, I asked him about his standoffish behavior, and he said he was so “disappointed”. I’m like like, look man, I ain’t getting plastic surgery no decision has been made to do so. I could never ever afford it. My priority is trying to have a baby. Then I cried a lot and yelled fuck a lot because he wanted to ignore me and “couldn’t explain” his feelings which may be true, but it’s the easiest cop out for him or for anyone in an multi-cultural relationship.
So you better believe that my body is gonna hold on to that egg for as long as it can and not release that shit. This whole environment is not good for getting pregnant maybe it thinks. I will admit that sometimes that worries me too. That instead of communicating with me he’d rather run and hide, and instead of trying to hash things out he’d rather shut down which causes me to get angry, and then I cuss and scream and slam the only door in our house I can slam. So yeah maybe this environment isn’t the best for a child but then I would like to think whose is?
Today was just a big shit day. This morning I fell. I’m not kidding I fell and bruised up my hand and scarped up my arm. Luckily I was in my own house, so I was saved from embarrassment. Then, this afternoon I was really sick and now it’s fight night. So basically morning, noon and night were fucking steaming piles of shit. I marked today “high stress” in my chart. Fuck this shit. I am so angry and miserable right now, and it’s all because of something I talked about at dinner. I didn’t even do anything wrong or bad. Sometimes I really don’t understand life at all.