Japan · Life · Mental Health

One week…

In one week we’ll be in our new house, in a new city, far away from everything familiar.

Yesterday, I hosted a small farewell party at my house to eat some delicious food and say goodbye to my friends who’ve become a part of my joy this last year.  I drank a lot.  In the morning, I decided to get my health check (required by my employer and even though I’ll not have an employer any more, I thought it’d be a good just idea in case because it’s covered under my insurance).  They found a high content of albuminuria in my urine which could be from not drinking enough water and drinking too much alcohol the night before.  This freaked out Prince Endymion, and I told my mom (because she’s a nurse) and she got all on my case (let me take this moment to remind everyone that I’m 36, and if I want to drink myself stupid, that’s my business as an adult), and she said “Why are you drinking if you’re trying to get PG?”.  Funny, I thought the best conception stories started with having too much to drink.  Also, I don’t think someone who’s 67 days into her anovulatory cycle is even worried about getting PG.  I thought I had bigger things to worry about like finishing the packing in less than a week.  Then she insisted again (this is the 2nd time during this fucked up cycle) that I could be PG because apparently that’s the ONLY explanation for a long cycle.  FML right now.

First of all, I want to be finished with my job, second of all I want to be finished with this move, but finally and most important of all I want everyone including my mom and the prince to leave me the fuck alone about getting PG.  I’m OBVIOUSLY having some fucking problem that I need to see a doctor in America about (because fuck Japanese doctors right now), and harping on me isn’t going to magically release an egg.

I’m so tired you guys.  I’m so tired of everything in my life right now.  I just want the world to stop spinning and life to stop throwing so much shit on me at once.  I feel so stifled by everything.  Literally everything is giving me anxiety right now.

Cut to later, Prince Endymion is taking a nap because he’s working so much and not sleeping well at night.  I’m packing up the house, and we were supposed to take apart the monster IKEA bed because it can’t be moved assembled.  After he wakes up, I ask him a simple question about whether or not he’s going to drink 3 bottles of tomato juice in one week and his answer is “I don’t know”, and later he says quite harshly I should leave him alone about the tomato juice.  I went off, spewing out angry swear words about how I’m packing up this whole fucking house while he’s not even done one whole room (his office).  It’s fine.  I can do it.  I have more time than he does, but for fuck’s sake I told him he could simply answer my question by saying “I may drink it” or “Don’t pack it”.  Then he blames his English ability which he does often, and I called his bullshit there because he’s capable of saying the words “Maybe I’ll drink it.”  I told him he needs to help my by just answering my questions because “I don’t know” and “leave me alone” are not at all helpful.  I can’t leave anything alone right now.  There’s too much to do.  Needless to say the bed did not get taken apart, and he’s gone off to his work farewell party.

I’m barely hanging on to my sanity here.  I’ve cried twice today and it’s not even dinner time yet.  This is so exhausting.  Everything is so exhausting.  Please make the world stop spinning.

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