Japan · Life · Mental Health

All good things…

I have work!  Three days of it!

Tomorrow is the last day of progesterone!

No more Nemesis!

A couple nights ago Motoki and I talked about Murakami (the author).  See we’re both fans, and I just finished his most recent book Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and his Years of Pilgrimage.  I wanted to know if he’d read it.  As far as Murakami books go it was one of the ones I liked better, but it was left unresolved as is Murakami’s way.  Motoki said he likes those endings as it makes him think, but for me I feel as if I’m left hanging, cut off, cast out of the story.  One quote from the book though that really resonated with me was: “Special emotions that arise only in a dark corner unknown to other people, where the real and unreal secretly mingle.”  How often do I have things I keep hidden from the real world?  Far too often.  Though if you read this blog, you’re privy to many things that not even my close friends know.  In the novel the main character, Tsukuru often feels unseen or unimportant.  There are many times I’ve felt this way, and Motoki said he often feels the same.  I honestly think Motoki and I are two sides of one coin.  I don’t know how to explain it, and maybe that’s not the best way.  I feel like he reflects the better parts of myself back to me.  Maybe that’s also a crap way of explaining it.  I can’t put into words the feeling.  Maybe someone cut off a piece of me when I was very young and cast it into the ocean and from it spawned Motoki on an island in the Pacific.  (I think I just made things that much weirder with that explanation).  Both he and I feel like we were destined to be brought together.  It’s even weirder when I say that before I was hired at my last job, my boss had lost my resume (probably in a pile on his messy desk which makes complete sense after working with him for almost 3 years).  He remembered my resume, later found it, and he called me for an interview, but I was on my way to the airport to fly to America for the holidays.  I was further fortunate enough that they’d wait for me to come back before interviewing me.  It was in that January interview that I wow’d Motoki, the man who’d be my boss, and vaguely impressed the third person in the interview (but she’s unmoved by most everything).  I don’t think all these things can be just discarded as loosely connected coincidences.   I think all this was supposed to happen exactly as it happened.  The future will also continue on its set path.  There are no happy accidents, but I do believe the choices we make help shape our overall destiny perhaps the end always remains covered in dense fog.  It seems a bit contradictory, but those are my mega deep thoughts for tonight, and that’s often how my mind wants to work: in stark contradictions.

From Murakami we talked about Nemesis.  Motoki said she was quitting at the end of the fiscal year.  I was surprised but disappointed that she was leaving so soon after I left and I would never experience the joy of again working there without her.  I said she was probably eager to run away to be a housewife and have babies.  And because fate is a cruel mistress, Nemesis will probably conceive easily and have as many children as she so desires with no complications whatsoever while others struggle for months or years on end.  He said that lately she has become more and more unprofessional and is not taking her job seriously.  What a ridiculous way to behave.  I did the exact opposite of that in the weeks leading up to my departure.  She sucks!  Gah!  Good riddance!  I suspect our future talks will be much more harmonious.

This delved a lot deeper than I thought it would.  Perhaps I’m musing tonight.  Perhaps I’m not anxious to go to bed to get up super early tomorrow to go to work.  Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…many things I can’t put into words.

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