“When are you gonna have a baby?”

While I’m in my hometown, I decided to visit my old workplace.  It was nice to see old faces, and talk with people I spent some ten years working with.  However, it was not nice to be bombarded literally everywhere I went in the building by: “When are you gonna have a baby?”  I know this question is not meant to deliver any malice.  I know it has been common for people to ask this question to newlyweds, married couples, married women, literally anyone.  On the surface it seems harmless, however it carries with it the stinging pain anyone faced with infertility has to encounter yet again (literally every time someone waves a baby in your face or says “baby” or talks about babies).  For someone struggling with infertility this question is a slap in the face.  Maybe this is the first time you’ve asked me this.  Perhaps you didn’t know that the six people I just talked to asked me the same question.  Seven slaps in the face.  I really wish this question would just fucking disappear from “polite” society.  Fucking hell.  I lost the ability to be eloquent anymore.

My feet are freezing and I’m too wiped to get up and put on socks.  I spent both Saturday and Sunday cleaning out the storage shed where the remainder of my stuff left in the US lives.  Each year I’ve managed to whittle it down more and more.  Within a few years I’m sure I’ll only have things of sentimental value left and that’s just fine with me.  I have a whole house full of stuff in Japan.  It gets easier to get rid of stuff the longer I’m away from it.  It seems kind of silly the stuff I’ve saved.  A toaster oven?  Really?  Why would I need to save a toaster oven?  Silly princess.

In addition to the aches from hefting boxes, I had temporary crowns put on last week.  Permanent crowns go on next week.  The dentist didn’t put the temps on; his assistant did.  She had trouble putting the upper crown on and had to redo it.  When I ate lunch hours after the temps were put on, I swear the top one shifted.  Since it could have been my imagination and didn’t seem to have shifted tremendously, I ignored it.  Today it seems to have shifted again and a bit of sharp tooth fragment is starting to protrude and my bite is off.  I haven’t even eaten any hard foods (or even eaten on that side period).  It’s too painful.  I’m downing a lot of Advil daily to make it through the day.  I bit the bullet and got squeezed in for tomorrow afternoon.

A very brief history of my teeth: Had two crowns put in right before I left the US and lost my insurance.  Moved to Japan with two fresh crowns.  Was in agony for who knows how long eating so much Advil just to stop the pain and function in day to day life.  I am afraid history will repeat itself with these two crowns, and I’m freaking out already.

To sum up:

  1. Stop asking me when I’m having a baby.
  2. My teeth fucking hurt and I want to rip them out.


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