Life · Mental Health

When it becomes too much…

Ah family and the holidays.  It’s really nice.  Until it’s not.  My sister and my niece were over here today helping my mom with the holiday baking.

To begin with I bought a Micheal Kors sweater at Goodwill yesterday.  It was black and white, so cute and comfortable, but it had some set in stains on it.  Since it was only $3.50 (thanks sale day), I bought it anyway in the hopes that the internet could lead me to some miraculous way to get set in stains out.  The first method suggested a vinegar soak and then and baking soda rub.  While I was at Wal-Mart, I left it to soak in the kitchen sink.  When I got back, my mom announced she was annoyed with the vinegar smell and asked me to get it out of the sink, so I set to work scrubbing it, and while I was doing so, I found two spots of pink frosting on the white part of the sweater.  Pink frosting that my mother dyed herself with red food coloring so basically I found two spots of red food coloring on the sweater I was trying to remove stains from.  Fucking hell.  She didn’t even say sorry which annoyed me the most.  All she said was “It’s not like it was on purpose.”  That annoyed me more than the food coloring, a half-assed pseudo apology.  Shit no “Sorry I got spots on your sweater”?  Would that have been so hard to say?

After I calmed down about the sweater, I was having a lot of fun playing with my niece.  Then we got my mom’s dog involved.  More fun to be had!  My niece was throwing the ball and the dog was chasing after it.  Good times.  Until they’re not.  My niece threw the ball, and it rolled under the stroller.  I told her where it was but she couldn’t see it and she had a mini meltdown and ran into “my room” crying.  (She’s 2 by the way.)  I chased after her to get her and bring her to where the ball was but my sister freaked out got angry and grabbed my niece away from me after I had already picked her up and was walking her to the ball.  What the fuck?!?!  After that I was done.  I shut myself in “my room” and organized the wrapping storage boxes.  Organizing things helps me make sense of chaos which seeks to worsen my anxiety.

Two much fucking stimuli today sends my anxiety is through the fucking roof.  I still haven’t been able to calm myself down even while taking a short walk to Walgreen’s to get some hydrogen peroxide to try internet stain removing suggestion #2.  I feel like I can’t handle things anymore in my hometown.  I want to go back to Japan.  I want to see and kiss the prince and our Small Lady dog.  I want to talk to and see Motoki.  I want to hug him and all my friends.  I want a job in Japan.  I’m so tired of America.  I want to go back to my beautiful Japan.

In other news I thought I’d see what jobs are available in my new Japan city.  Yeah that was sad.  Nothing.  I’m in the midst of contract negotiations with one company but they’ve not said anything since I shot over some high salary numbers.  I’m afraid I won’t be able to find a job for next year.

Also, my teeth are still aching, so it’s already a repeat of the last time I got crowns.  I guess I’ve got to go back there next week to try and figure it out.  I’m so tired of this too.  I don’t even feel like eating dinner.  I’m having pickles and cheese and a Naked chia drink.

Fucking depression and anxiety make for a banner day.  Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to sit in the dark and cry.


2 thoughts on “When it becomes too much…

  1. I know it doesn’t help, but I understand how you feel. I love being with my family, but I get overwhelmed a lot, especially when there are many people around and more than one at a time wants my attention.
    And I’m all with you regarding the tooth pain. Ugh. I hate going to the dentist and with good reason. My thoughts are with you, that it will get resolved soon and that you will find the perfect job here in Japan!


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