Life · Mental Health

How to ruin Christmas in 3 easy steps!

Step 1: Buy everyone Christmas jammies and tons of presents.

Step 2: Buy milk.

Step 3: Fight and then cry.

I’m sure if you look at this list you might be confused as to why any of this (except of course #3) would ruin Christmas.

Here’s the story.  I have to take you back to “Full House”.  Make fun of me all you want but the reason I loved “Full House” so much was that my family was nothing like that while I was growing up, and I secretly wished it would be.  Especially the hugging.  I became a hugger all on my own though.  I didn’t need my family to make me a hugger.  I wanted to hug the world.  In the end, my family never turned out Like “Full House”, and it never turned out like “Fuller House” either.  (I guess that’s for the best really.)  But while watching “Fuller House” Season 2, I noticed everyone had matching Christmas jammies.  In an attempt to make my dysfunctional family Full Housey, I bought everyone Christmas jammies.  They weren’t all matchy matchy of course but they had a great Christmas spirit, and I ordered everyone to wear them on Christmas as we all opened presents.  Generally, my sister is one size bigger than me.  The Christmas jammies, however, were multi-sized.  When I bought them for myself first, the top fit okay, but the bottoms were way too big.  So I did what any sensible human would do, I ran them through the hottest wash cycle, and then threw them in the dryer.  Since they’re 100% cotton, they managed to shrink down enough to be comfortable to wear.  When I gave my sister the jammies, I told her all this information.  Her course of action was to do none of the above but instead complain about the FREE jammies she just received as being too humongous.  She didn’t even attempt to shrink them.  Okay…and I just shrugged this off because it’s dumb.

Last night (Christmas Eve) while she was making dinner, she splattered enchilada sauce all over her shirt and asked it I could borrow a shirt.  I offered up one of my mom’s because I like my shirts a little fitted and my sister has huge boobs, so I said I didn’t think one of my shirts would fit her (and I did say it was because of boobs and said nothing about her weight).  She retorted with a “shut up” and “fuck off”.  Next while we were discussing breakfast the next morning, she looked at the milk situation and said “I don’t care, make it with whatever.”  (She was talking about the Hollandaise sauce.)  Since she drank the rest of my almond milk, she said she’d brink some more over in the morning.  Let me just interject by saying my sister is not a vegan.  She eats meat and had eggnog with milk in it with dinner.

Christmas morning she came in the house in a foul mood complaining she forgot the whatever fake milk she was going to bring and that she was sick.  I said I’d go and get milk from her house, but when I exited the apartment complex, I noticed that Walgreen’s (which is literally next door to the apartments) was open.  Since everyone was hungry and/or not feeling well, I thought it’s be best just to pop in there and buy some milk since it’d take less time.  When I got back, she immediately inspected the bag and found it was actual milk from a cow.  Well, as I didn’t expect, all hell broke loose.  I reminded her that she said last night that we could make the Hollandaise with “whatever”, and she barked and complained profusely that I didn’t go to her house and get the fake milk.  My argument was that everyone was hungry and/or sick and that it’d be best to just eat quickly, and she said we could make it with “whatever”.  The argument ended with her shouting at me “Fuck you, fuck this!  I don’t need fucking Christmas.”  Then she took my niece and left.

If you’re wondering why I live over 5000 miles away from my family, you’ve just read about the biggest reason.  My sister is angry, cruel, and generally a hateful person.  Of course, all that had just happened upset my mom who’s had a pretty bad 2016 after losing 2 family members this year, and I retreated to my room to just lie in bed and cry.  Mom did finish making breakfast but neither one of us ate much.  She ate a muffin and I ate less than half of one.  She wanted to open presents, so we did and I cried some more.  A good 90% of the presents were for my niece, and when my sister took her, she ruined Christmas for her too.  What kind of memories will she have with Christmas?  Yelling and then leaving all those presents?  The funniest thing is that she wants me to watch my niece tomorrow.  I wonder if that will happen?  The best way to describe my sister is a ticking time bomb.  You never know when she’s gonna blow.  She needs mental help probably so much as to say she should be on meds, but she never would because she’s been breastfeeding forever.

Now more than ever I can’t wait to get back to Japan.  I want to leave all this negativity and all the cruelty and spewed hate here in America.  I had such a miserable Christmas, and even the gifts weren’t enough to lift my spirits.  My 2017 will focus on my chosen family: the prince and hopefully adopted baby or babies.  I’m too old, too tired and too jaded to deal with all this drama that isn’t my own.

I sincerely hope you had a better day than mine.  Merry Christmas.

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