Life · Mental Health

Over it…

I kept my phone on last night, so I could receive messages from Endymion when he arrived in Japan.  He got to Japan safely but not without problems again.  I guess he was delayed getting to the international flight, and he was the last person in before they closed the doors.  Meanwhile, I slept horribly tossing and turning and sweating as well as aching from lifting all those books yesterday.

I am glad the prince arrived home okay with our Small Lady dog in tow.  I wish I was there with him.  I was feeling horribly depressed yesterday and even watching Bob’s Burgers couldn’t get a laugh from me.  I tried to pack as much as I could, but I bought the wrong size space bags, so I’ve got to go return them today.  Once I get the space bags, I can see how much space I actually have and how much I’ve got to leave behind.  I’m off to return those and a present I bought for Endymion that was broken as well as something my mom bought me that just won’t fit in the suitcase, and I don’t like much anyway.

To be honest I don’t want to do anything.  I don’t want to go anywhere or see anyone.  America has exhausted me.  I just want to leave.  There’s just a couple of things I need to buy and then that’s it.  I’m over it.  I’m over everything.  I just want to go back home.


I just got back from running errands.  I had to go to 3 stores to find some space bags.  While I was trying to pull the car out of the parking lot, three cars kept me trapped in and no one would let me out.  When I was driving to the Wal-Mart, someone cut me off and then made an immediate right turn in front of me.  Totally over everything.

When I got back to the house, I had to book a hotel because I’m visiting Tokyo to see some friends before I go back home, and the prince has to go there for work.  When I went to book the hotel, it said double room so I thought that was a double bed.  Unfortunately, it was a twin bed, and it was after I had booked it, so I couldn’t cancel.  I just burst into tears.  It’s just too much.  I can’t even handle being here anymore.  I was on the phone with Endymion at the time and the whole time we talked, he didn’t sound happy at all.  It was probably because he didn’t get any sleep last night, and it just made me feel even worse.  He also said “Have fun the last few days” and I feel like I just can’t.  I just feel so sick with depression right now.  I don’t know what to do or how to feel better.  I just need to get out of here.  I need to go home.


3 thoughts on “Over it…

  1. I’m sorry your having such a rough time of it.

    I miss my family and friends in America more than the area. Well, I miss the food (BBQ and kolaches), clothes that fit, the cafes, and my the honey and jams my parents make and sell on their farms.

    But I don’t miss the area and the hot climate. I don’t miss the lack of trains and public transport. No sooner do I get home then I miss being in Japan.

    It just feels like this is my home now even though I wasn’t raised here.

    Have a great time in Tokyo 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear ya on clothes that fit! I never had that problem until I moved to Japan. I always buy way too much when I come to America (hence the suitcase fiasco this time). I always miss people more than anything, but this trip was so long without the prince, and although I was having a lot of fun at first, I think I overstayed my welcome. I don’t feel good about being here anymore and am anxious to get back to Japan and my family there.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I think I made that mistake to when I went back to the US a few months ago. It’s so hard to decide how long. Too short and it feels too hectic. Too long and you’re like “when does this vacation end?”


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