Don’t ask people who are in the midst of an anxiety attack to make decisions. Don’t ask them questions. I can stress this enough.
The day I was to leave America was a good day. Then I got back to Mom’s house and found that everything wouldn’t fit despite shifting things around the past few days and eventually getting a bigger suitcase. I crammed and shoved and space bagged, but alas I had to unpack a small bag of clothes and a whole medium space bag to leave behind. Once I got things packed both bags weighed under 50lbs. I dropped my tea on the ground as we were loading the bags into the car. When I got to the airport, there was no line and check in was fine until I noticed the bottom of one of my suitcases was wet. Something I packed which couldn’t fit in a Ziplock bag exploded and got everything in the bottom of my suitcase wet. When I weighed the bags, one was 48 and the other 52. More unpacking and reshuffling happened, but at least I didn’t have to leave anything else behind. We ordered dinner and had a sit down. They made me the wrong item, and I had to wait while they redid my order.
I made it through security okay, but while my bags were going through they pulled my largest bag out. Two other bags were pulled aside ahead of mine, and it was about thirty minutes to my flight. I was told to remove my shoes (again), and I was going to be patted down. They searched and swabbed my entire bag and phone. I was patted down in the front and back. Of course, there was nothing in my bag or on my person, but by the time they determined that my flight left in 20 minutes, and as it so happens my gate was the last one. I had to run. I was second the last person on the plane. When I got to my seat, the overhead bins were full, and there was no space for my bag.
If you take any one of these events in isolation, none would be too bad. In fact, two or maybe three of these events would even be bad. However, everything together became to much, and I couldn’t hold it together anymore.
On the plane a lady asked me what she could do to help. People in the midst of an anxiety attack shouldn’t be made to answer open ended questions. I understand that she was trying to be helpful, but in that moment I literally could not answer her. Immediately after that she asked if I wanted her to move her bag back. It was another question I could not answer. Finally, she said she’d move her bag back and literally all I could say was “thanks” not even “thank you” just “thanks”. When I sat down in my seat, I full on sobbed. Sobbed. Big gulping messy tears. I did this for a while and managed to slow it to just dripping tears as we took off.
I felt terrible, and then I had a 12 hour layover. I visited a friend during the layover. We had a great time despite it being a short visit.
When I got on the plane, I noticed that to my disappointment it wasn’t one of the nicer newer planes, and I had a 15 hour flight ahead of me. See I booked a flight to Hong Kong because I wanted to fly Cathay Pacific not thinking about it at the time that we’d actually fly past Japan. Not too long after take off, the lady in front of me reclined her seat back into my lap. Now I always choose an aisle seat on long haul flights because I need to get up and walk around. It was so fucking hard to get up because of this bitch in front of me, and I jostled her seat each time I got up. Because I was angry, I often extra jostled it. Maybe you think that’s childish, but I don’t give a shit because she was being rude first. At one point she turned around and gave me a dirty look. I had and armful of food and a drink and I told her there just wasn’t space. She said the person in front of her hadn’t give her space either and “That’s just how it is.” I noticed his seat wasn’t as far reclined as hers. At one point I was gone for like thirty minutes and the lady next to me asked if I had gotten a new seat. I wish. No the lady in front of me just sucks ass.
At Hong Kong I got over to the Japan bound plane fine. Everything was on time and we were ready to go, but we didn’t go anywhere. We had to wait for thirty minutes past the departure time because another plane was late getting in and it had passengers from our flight on it. We were late getting into Tokyo. I got my bags and got out of the customs line in pretty good time. I wanted to take a train, but the first airline broken my bag, and it wouldn’t wheel properly. The bus was out of the question because it left and hour after I arrived, and I didn’t want to wait around for another hour. I ended up taking a really expensive taxi. Not great because I’m unemployed.
I finally went to sleep some time around 2AM. I didn’t have to unpack my bags, but anxiety tells me I have to make sense of chaos. I sorted things the best I could considering the hotel is super tiny.
Today I slept in, had Starbucks, collected a ton of Pokébalks (thanks Japan!), went to the grocery store, and saw some friends. It was a nice day. I’m so happy to be in Japan, and I had gotten so used to life in America that I forgot Japan has so many wonderfully convenient things like hot drinks in the vending machines and heated toilet seats. I’m so happy to be back in this beautiful country that I didn’t even get so annoyed when people weren’t paying attention (a common thing in Japan). Tomorrow I’ve got no plans, but hopefully I can find something to do.