I’m currently laying in bed. This weekend has been a bit crazy. Crazy good and crazy bad. We were in a very busy part of our city not only today but yesterday too. Mamoru wanted to get Apple TV, and we needed to get new wifi also. Yesterday’s outing took much longer than expected. Today’s outing took a long time too, and before we could leave Mamoru wanted to buy some sweets. As we were buying them, a van drove by blasting on full volume their propaganda. You can read more about these godawful things here. Yes, we actually have these in Japan. Yes, they are loud as fuck. Yes, they suck big time. I had to cover my ears because the noise was too overwhelming for me even though they were more than a block away. Between that and all the people (including tourists who like to randomly stop in the middle of the walkway) and being in a place that was overwhelming in every way it possibly could be overwhelming, anxiety went into overdrive. I had to get out of there and we tried to do so as quickly as possible.
When I got home, I sat in the shower for a long time with just the water pouring on me. After I finished I felt really really low. I told Mamoru that I didn’t feel good and just wanted to lie down. He asked if he had done something wrong. “No, I just don’t feel good,” I said as the tears welled up. I am feeling very tired as I didn’t sleep well last night, but I don’t necessarily need to take a nap. I just want to lie in the dark in a quiet and warm place. This weekend wasn’t bad overall, it was just too much.
So here I am in bed. I feel okay. Not a 100% better but at least I don’t feel like crying at the drop of a hat. Anxiety also keeps reminding me that I have a million things to do next week. Yes, I know. No need to remind me every 5 minutes. Oh and in case you’re keeping tabs: no job offers or interview requests and no new job postings. So the job search is the same as always. I’m closing up the computer now and taking lots of time to breathe.