Japan · Life · Mental Health

I say the “F” word a lot…

Today was mostly uneventful.  I spoke to Mamoru this morning.  I reminded him that his wife has anxiety and yes I do need to know when you’re coming home, so I don’t fucking text you every five minutes “Where are you?”  He said “okay” so I guess we’ll see what happens next time (as in like this is not the first time this has happened).

In other news, I did some fucking editing work for お父さん which I finished in January, and I still haven’t been paid for it.  This is your life lesson, kids.  Don’t do work for your family members.  I swear to crap.  I asked Mamoru if he would gently nudge お父さん into fucking paying me.  Then I had a nap because this morning I woke up exhausted.  Yesterday was a long day spent traipsing around the whole damn city.  When I woke up there was an email from お父さん with a a file attached asking for a final check.  Fortunately, after splashing water on my face I noticed it was a PDF, so it was finished and there was nothing for me to check.  I sent him my bank information, and I told Mamoru that in the future I wouldn’t be doing anymore fucking work for お父さん which he (Mamoru) was fine with.  (As well he should be.)

This morning I talked to Mamoru about just doing freelance work (and not getting a real 9-5 job).  He was actually for it!  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  He’s been telling me since I moved here that I don’t actually need to get a real job.  I said I would still look for part time work, so my resume won’t look ridiculous.  Between the freelance work and the on-call work I can’t really make a lucrative living wage, but I don’t need to since basically Mamoru supports me.  However, I can learn to save money (if I just keep telling myself I don’t have a job and therefore can’t fucking spend it), and I can take the occasional side trip to back to my old town.  All good things.

Speaking of that old town, I’m heading back there at the end of the month, and since February is a short month that will be here before we know it.  This time I’m going by myself (sans Mamoru).  Ami has graciously allowed me to bunk with her.  I’m going to treat her to lunch on my last day there to say thank you, and I’ll certainly pick up some おみやげ for her.  I’ve already arranged to see Motoki (he was the first person I made plans with), and Setsuna and I made plans to pig out at Sizzler (yeah not kidding about that).  It was something we loved to do when I lived there.  The rest of the gang and I are currently ironing out plans.  I’m so happy to be able to go back and see everyone.

Finally, I finished my previous cycle and all things considered it looks pretty normal.  This is fantastic news, but I still think we should wait until things fall into a more acceptable rhythm in our new city before TTC again, and fortunately Mamoru agrees with me on that.  The good news is that it looks like things are progressing that way, and I’m finally starting to feel happy and settled and seriously thinking of shaping my future myself (since other potential employers aren’t doing me any fucking good at all).  That’s all for now.  I’ve updated the charts page, so please look at it if you like.  I am starting to feel hopeful about our future here and not wallowing in the pit of despair every day.  Onward and upward.

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