Japan · Life · Mental Health

Anxiety banging around in my brain…

Demande messaged me at 8AM.  This guy is less of a morning person than I am, so that in and of itself was quite shocking.  He wanted to change our meeting time to 2PM.  I was like I can’t I have to meet with another freelance at 4:30PM and the two are pretty far apart.  He was like well shit I thought I was meeting with you at 1PM.  It’s all good.  Makes me wonder how rough of a night he had last night.

About as rough as mine I imagine.  Earlier in the day yesterday, Mamoru messaged me and said that he was drinking tonight, and he’d be back around 10PM.  Cool.  I literally do not care if he goes drinking.  I only care that he tells me when I should expect him, so my anxiety isn’t bugging me all night and keeping me awake.  I’m sure as you guessed, 10PM rolled around, and he didn’t show up.  I texted him, said fuck him in my head, and tried to go to sleep.  He showed up after midnight and even though I was awake I was still so mad at his shitty communication that I stayed in bed.  And as I’m sure you guessed, I stayed in bed alone all night.  He didn’t come to bed.  He was probably too drunk to take a shower.  I didn’t ask, but maybe that’s what he would have said.

I suppose I could have a worse husband.  I’ve heard about those from their wives.  As far as husbands go there are worse than mine.  But that doesn’t really matter does it?  Telling someone that others have it worse doesn’t make his or her situation any better.  I recommend that you never tell someone that other people have it worse.  My recourse is that I told him I’d stay out late tonight.  He had no problem with that.  Rightly so.  I suppose this way of dealing with our problems is childish.  But I will tell him when I’m coming home and not make him wait around all night anxiety banging in his brain (not like it would anyway).  If I was super late, he’d just fall asleep.

Marriage, kids.  It’s a laugh a minute.  I stayed in bed (sleeping) until 10:30 this morning.  It was glorious.  I didn’t want to get up.  Now, I’m off to clean up the kitchen and myself and meet some clients.  Is it booze o’clock yet?

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