Life · Mental Health

Tabs…

Operation Stay in Bed is off to a good start.  I just brushed my teeth, so I could take some Advil.  The icing on the shit cake that was this weekend came on Sunday morning as I awoke to cramping.  I noticed some red when I wiped, so I took I shower and put on a pad.  I thought it might have just been spotting but now AF definitely arrived.  This super fucking sucks not because I was hoping to be PG (like I said before Mamoru and I are on a TTC break).  This fucking sucks because for no reason at all it came almost a week early.  So yeah now I’m not only missing a tooth but also bleeding profusely.  Thank you PTB, you cruel fuckers.  Last night I had so had it with life that while I was trying to fix some food I just started crying.  Mamoru tried to be comforting saying that it was just a week, and it’s no big deal.  I wasn’t very comforted.

So this morning I woke up in not only physical pain, but the mental anguish is still in the air.  My brain has been very noisy since Saturday night.  I can’t shut it up.

Later that morning…

I woke up because my head was too noisy.  I tried to write this blog.  I got distracted by trying to watch “Evangelion”, and so I switched over to that tab.  I fell back asleep while watching it.  I wonder how many tabs my brain has open right now?  What’s the maximum number of tabs any one brain can have open?  I think that’s how many I have open.

I just jolted up because I thought it might be time to make a dentist appointment.  Turns out it was time and fortunately they can see me today at noon.  Once I get that crown attached again, I can close that tab in my brain.   It’s less than 30 minutes away.  One thing I do love about this city is that it’s much smaller so everything is closer.

I need to eat some breakfast.  Good thing I have lots of soft oatmeal.  I guess Operation Stay in Bed will be postponed until later today.  I can deal with the postponement if it means getting my fucking tooth fixed.  After that I’ll have the rest of the day and all day tomorrow to not leave my bed.  It sounds like a perfect way to spend two days.  I doubt I’ll be able to close any tabs, but I’ll be able to keep them in the background.

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