Japan · Life · Mental Health

“Man always has pain in his heart. Since his heart feels pain, he experiences life as pain.”

I just got off the phone with Naru.  I had a good cry.  I hate my life, but I feel a little better after crying it out.  I’m sipping on a heavily alcoholic adult beverage, and I’m getting ready to continue my Evangelion marathon.  I finished the TV series.  (Yes, I love Kaworu.)  Next up is The End of Evangelion and then 3 movies.

Last night Mamoru and I had another fight.  This time it was about money.  See Mamoru said he’d support me when I left my job in September.  He said I didn’t need to get another job in our new city.  He said he’d continue to support me.  He also said that he would spend any amount of money necessary on fertility treatments.  He said all these things.  However, when the bill for my city tax came, he changed his tune.  (In Japan, residents have to pay a yearly city tax.  It’s often a lot of money, and it’s a real pain in the butt.  Some foreigners get a bad rap for deciding not to pay it.)  My previous company paid my city tax.  However, when I left the company, they stopped doing so, so I recently received a bill for it.  When I asked Mamoru if he would pay it, he got very angry and said I was stupid (my words) for not saving the money I made from my last job in anticipation of city tax.  (And you guessed it, he didn’t come to bed last night.)  Of course, we all know I’m bad with money.  I have no savings.  This is foolish I know.  I am working on rectifying this.  (Thanks for the tips Naru!)  This is one of the reasons I was adamant about finding work.  See Mamoru gives me money from time to time but he always makes me feel horrible about asking for it.  Kind of exactly like my mom did every time I asked her for money.  They say girls marry someone like their dad; I married someone like my mom.

Mental health wise I’m not doing great.  Depression is crushing me right now.  I’m having trouble doing normal things, and I’m crying a lot.  Unfortunately, Operation Stay in Bed was postponed again today due to meeting a new client.  Apparently, she’s the daughter-in-law of one of my other clients, and I came highly recommended.  Can’t argue with that.  Operation Stay in Bed will continue as planned for the remainder of the day.  Tomorrow I have to go meet with Demande, so Operation Stay in Bed will be postponed again.  Unfortunately, it’s not a very strong operation.

Yesterday, I got my tooth fixed.  I was in and out in less than 30 minutes.  Hooray for Japanese efficiency.  The dentist seemed very kind.  I think I can be okay if I have to go to him again.

Words on the screen are getting fuzzy, so I’m calling this one done for the day.  I hope you are well or at least better than me.

2 thoughts on ““Man always has pain in his heart. Since his heart feels pain, he experiences life as pain.”

  1. I’m sorry your husband makes you feel bad about getting money from him. My boyfriend actually did pay my tax bill – I am earning, but I don’t have a Swiss bank account so it’s easier for him to pay it. He actually had to sign a form to say he would support me though, so he’s legally obliged to pay my taxes and health insurance if I can’t 😉

    Glad the tooth is fixed!


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