Today this wind and cold was just awful. Why isn’t winter over yet?
Demande was late again today. An hour and 10 minutes this time. I can’t really complain I guess since he paid me in advance just to sit there for an hour and charge my headphones (which is good because I might have imploded had the battery died while I was out braving the real world today).
I updated the Charts tab. Since that bitch AF came early, I started Cycle #12. Even though this is 12 cycles, it’s over a year TTC (since I had one cycle the length of at least 3). So since it’s a new cycle it’s time for some changes.
Before I took my trip to Tokyo, I mentioned to Demande offhandedly that I had been trying to lose weight for some time. (Basically, the short story is that I got hurt. I was laid up for a while. I gained some weight. I wasn’t happy about that.) I’ve been weakly trying to lose it for a while now. When I mentioned this, he said he had some suggestions to help me. He doesn’t eat carbs and recommended I follow suit. I thought this was impossible because I don’t eat meat. However, for fun (or boredom whatever) I thought I’d try it while I was in Tokyo. It actually wasn’t that hard. I just had to steer clear of bread and other such carb filled deliciousness. I ate veggies, eggs, beans, and cheese mostly. Mostly. It wasn’t too far a cry from what I normally eat at home. I told him about this and he cheered me on a little bit. Well, that made me feel good. Once I got back home, of course, it was even easier to chuck the carbs, since I do almost all the shopping anyway and eat 3 meals a day on my own on weekdays. However, yesterday I decided to get serious and bought a small notebook. I started a food journal and documented everything I ate yesterday (and today too). This will help me keep focused and disciplined. I also scoured recipes, so I won’t have to skimp on taste. Today I bought a scale (luckily it was on sale) which is something I have been afraid of for years (the scale not sales). Even though I had already eaten breakfast, I decided to give it a try. The last time I was weighed was when I visited the doctor in November. It wasn’t a pretty number. Fortunately today’s number was almost 5 kilos (about 10 pounds) lower than November’s number. I’ll save posting the actual numbers until I feel better about them.
I’ve got to tell Mamoru about this, and I hope he’ll be supportive and not say something dickish. So my immediate goal is to drop 5 kilos (11 pounds) with a little later goal of 10 kilos (22 pounds). If I can do that, I’ll be under my goal weight. If I can get under my goal weight, and can lose a couple more pounds then I’ll be at a normal BMI (which I generally believe to be bullshit anyway but then everyone can leave me the fuck alone but especially Japanese doctors). When I start working next month, I plan to bike to work the three days a week I work since there is no direct train or bus from my house. Other things I’m doing are mini exercises at home and yoga. I really hope all this does the trick. I’m really tired of hating what I see in the mirror. I would appreciate and “rah rah” comments from my WordPress (or Kindara) cheer squad. Demande agreed to continue to cheer me on, but I’ll take all the cheerleaders I can get.
As of right now active TTC is still off the table. I hope that me working steadily and not haphazardly will bring some stability to my life and mental health. That’s all that’s new for now.