Today this wind and cold was just awful.  Why isn’t winter over yet?

Demande was late again today.  An hour and 10 minutes this time.  I can’t really complain I guess since he paid me in advance just to sit there for an hour and charge my headphones (which is good because I might have imploded had the battery died while I was out braving the real world today).

I updated the Charts tab.  Since that bitch AF came early, I started Cycle #12.  Even though this is 12 cycles, it’s over a year TTC (since I had one cycle the length of at least 3).  So since it’s a new cycle it’s time for some changes.

Before I took my trip to Tokyo, I mentioned to Demande offhandedly that I had been trying to lose weight for some time.  (Basically, the short story is that I got hurt.  I was laid up for a while.  I gained some weight.  I wasn’t happy about that.)  I’ve been weakly trying to lose it for a while now.  When I mentioned this, he said he had some suggestions to help me.  He doesn’t eat carbs and recommended I follow suit.  I thought this was impossible because I don’t eat meat.  However, for fun (or boredom whatever) I thought I’d try it while I was in Tokyo.  It actually wasn’t that hard.  I just had to steer clear of bread and other such carb filled deliciousness.  I ate veggies, eggs, beans, and cheese mostly.  Mostly.  It wasn’t too far a cry from what I normally eat at home.  I told him about this and he cheered me on a little bit.  Well, that made me feel good.  Once I got back home, of course, it was even easier to chuck the carbs, since I do almost all the shopping anyway and eat 3 meals a day on my own on weekdays.  However, yesterday I decided to get serious and bought a small notebook.  I started a food journal and documented everything I ate yesterday (and today too).  This will help me keep focused and disciplined.  I also scoured recipes, so I won’t have to skimp on taste.  Today I bought a scale (luckily it was on sale) which is something I have been afraid of for years (the scale not sales).  Even though I had already eaten breakfast, I decided to give it a try.  The last time I was weighed was when I visited the doctor in November.  It wasn’t a pretty number.  Fortunately today’s number was almost 5 kilos (about 10 pounds) lower than November’s number.  I’ll save posting the actual numbers until I feel better about them.

I’ve got to tell Mamoru about this, and I hope he’ll be supportive and not say something dickish.  So my immediate goal is to drop 5 kilos (11 pounds) with a little later goal of 10 kilos (22 pounds).  If I can do that, I’ll be under my goal weight.  If I can get under my goal weight, and can lose a couple more pounds then I’ll be at a normal BMI (which I generally believe to be bullshit anyway but then everyone can leave me the fuck alone but especially Japanese doctors).  When I start working next month, I plan to bike to work the three days a week I work since there is no direct train or bus from my house.  Other things I’m doing are mini exercises at home and yoga.  I really hope all this does the trick.  I’m really tired of hating what I see in the mirror.  I would appreciate and “rah rah” comments from my WordPress (or Kindara) cheer squad.  Demande agreed to continue to cheer me on, but I’ll take all the cheerleaders I can get.

As of right now active TTC is still off the table.  I hope that me working steadily and not haphazardly will bring some stability to my life and mental health.  That’s all that’s new for now.