Nothing like stepping on the scale in the morning to cause mad anxiety. Five days ago the scale read xx.8kg, and then the following two days it read xx.7kg, on the 25th it read xx.3kg and I tried not to get too excited, but that felt pretty awesome. The past two days it has read xx.6kg which has led me to believe the xx.3kg was a fluke somehow. During this time I had an alcoholic beverage with soda (ginger ale) in it, and I thought I might have fucked things up with that. Last night I made tofu steaks and the sauce had sugar in it, but since we bought the sauce from a local cafe, there was no nutrition information on the bottle, so there’s no telling how many carbs were in it. All this is making me crazy. The scale had shown a consistent decline in my weight and suddenly I’m stagnating. Of course, I’m blaming myself. Was it that soda? Was it the alcohol? What was it? Did I eat something I shouldn’t have? Did my serving size not match what the recipe said? I know all this is silly. I know that. But anxiety doesn’t know that. Anxiety likes to make you worry about stupid shit. ALL. THE. TIME. See my logical brain part says that xx.3kg was a super fluke and that xx.6 actually shows weight loss from xx.7kg, but my anxious brain part says “you fat!”. I hate that kilograms are so fucking sensitive. Basically I’ve lost 4 pounds but only 2.2kg and if I consider the xx.3 weight I’ve lost 5 pounds but only 2.6kg. How is this fair? Fucking math.
I need to just get on with my day and forget about this shit. I need to take Small Lady for a walk and then run up to ドンキ and likely have a nap. Yes, a nap would be wonderful. Basically, I’m “on call” for Demande if he needs me today. It’s still tentative because he’s likely not awake yet as it’s not quite morning for him (which usually occurs between 1PM and 3PM). Must be nice to be a night owl like that. I’d prefer that actually. Yesterday Mamoru woke up early and started cleaning like crazy and he was super 元気 and I just wanted to punch him in the face and go back to bed (which I couldn’t do because he was being so damn noisy). I hate mornings.
Was that enough complaining about everything today? I hope you’re doing better than I am.