Mental Health

People don’t just disappear…

I’m lying in bed still.  It’s a little after 10AM.  I need to get up soon and start my day, but I don’t really want to.

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Can I just stay here?

Last night I messaged Kunzite and told him about Demande’s lack of response.  He managed to talk me down.  I was on the verge of total nervous breakdown.

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I made this same face.

See I called him.  I called Demande at about 9PM.  I called him twice.  There was no answer.  Every single time I’ve worked with Deamnde and his phone rang, he always answered it.  Always.  He always answers his phone because of work.  It’s usually a client calling him.  This time he didn’t answer.  I don’t understand.  People don’t just disappear.  I’ve sent him emails, I’ve texted, I’ve called.  People don’t just disappear.

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What the heck indeed.  I told Kunzite that I had planned on going to the place where Demande and I usually meet at the time we scheduled.  That’s today.  That’s in a few short hours.  I said to Kunzite that if something terrible happened to Demande, I’d have no way of knowing.  I don’t know anyone else he’s connected to.  Kunzite suggested all the theories I’ve played through in my head.  Maybe something happened to his phone.  Maybe he’s just busy.  Maybe he had to travel for work and doesn’t have service.  He asked if this behavior was unusual.  Yes, it’s very unusual.  Kunzite said that I’ve done all I can.  There’s nothing more to do but to wait.  Naru said that too.  I have to wait.

Then my next what if scenario becomes: what if he doesn’t show today.  Kunzite swears Demande will show up at the regular place at the time we scheduled.  I’m not as hopeful.  I told Kunzite that I’m so worried because Demande isn’t just my boss, he’s my friend.  He was the first person in this stupid fucking city to want to be my friend.  He was the first person in this stupid fucking city to show me kindness (the kind of kindness that came with friendship).

While I was writing this, I thought I heard my phone buzz.

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Turns out it was all in my head.  I’m starting to think the meetings with Demande were all in my head a la Fight Club.  However, Kotono and Kunzite met Demande, and Kunzite interacted with Demande separately when they went to the bar to buy drinks.  They spoke.  Then Demande can’t be a figment of my imagination, but people don’t just disappear.  This whole situation is so fucking perplexing.  I have no answers for anything.  Even after today, I don’t know if I’ll have any answers for anything.

I need to get up.  I need to do my daily tasks.  I need walk Small Lady.  I need to eat breakfast.  I need to go to my Japanese lesson.  I need to go to the coffee shop where I usually meet Demande and wait.  That’s the only thing left to do.

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