I suppose I should update you on the Demande situation because I’m sure at least 2 (?) of my readers are interested in what happened there. Please feel free to read this post and this post to catch up (and this one just for fun).
Yesterday while I was at my Japanese lesson I received a message on Line (timestamp 1:28PM). I had my phone nearby during the lesson just in case, but for some reason it didn’t buzz this message through, and I didn’t get it until I physically opened Line. So a bunch of text messages, two emails, and a couple phone calls resulted in this message: “I don’t wanna meet you.” Even though Demande has really good English, we still have a language barrier at times, but this message is easy to decode as it’s an issue with the verb 会います which in Japanese means both to meet or to see. Demande’s message can either be corrected to say “I don’t wanna see you” or “I don’t wanna meet with you”. Either way the underlying message is clear: I’ve been fired.
The past two days I’ve been trying to wrap my head around why, and when I asked him why, he didn’t respond. He refused to answer my phone calls and because I could do nothing else, I sent him an iMessage (which I knew would say delivered). When he still wouldn’t respond, I lost my professional demeanor and threw a couple of fucks in there for posterity saying that he may not think so, but he fucking owes me an explanation. He finally answered me saying “I wanna be alone now”. Now I don’t know how to decode this one. I assume it can be decoded one of two ways. Either “I just need some time to myself (to figure some shit out)” or “I want YOU to leave me alone”. The former sounds better than the latter.
Why am I so bummed out about this you may ask. I didn’t just consider Demande my boss, I considered him a friend as well. We talked about our lives, we sang karaoke together, he met Kunzite and Kotono. There isn’t anyone else that I work for freelance that I have that same kind of friendship with. He made it clear from the get go that our working relationship one was a casual one, and I shouldn’t hold myself to the same professional standards as my other clients. He knows I have tattoos. He didn’t care about that (whereas I think some of my other clients might be beyond shocked to find that out). Moreover, when I hated this place, and my life more than I ever had in Japan, he was kind to me and wanted to be my friend when I had none. That’s got to count for something right?
In sharing this situation with Kunzite, he said we should take a positive approach and just assume that he has some personal shit he’s working on. Maybe with his business? Maybe with his girlfriend? The bottom line is, he said, I’ve just got to let Demande be and let him work through his shit.
Naru had a similar line of thinking but she added, he could just be an asshole. I argued that never in our interactions has he ever acted like an asshole to me. In fact, I said, why would he tell me about his struggles with infertility? That is something deeply personal that I haven’t told some of my closest friends. Aside from Mamoru, Naru and my mom, no one who knows me personally knows about my struggles with infertility (not even my sister unless Mom blabbed). Why would he tell me about that? He had and still has no way of knowing about mine. (About my mostly anonymous blog, he didn’t know I wrote a blog until about two weeks ago, and he told me about the infertility when we first met.) Anyway, why would anyone go through all that trouble to deceive someone and become their friend and then just drop them like a ton of bricks? It seems rather silly, doesn’t it?
So there it is. I don’t know what happened. Demande won’t tell me. Only he knows (and the PTB). I suspect this may be some Japanese bullshit like running away from problems instead of confronting them (like Mamoru does). Perhaps he has some problem with my work, and he figures it’s best to ignore this problem and hope it goes away. But I don’t deal with problems this way. I talk about things, hash things out, find a solution. Regardless there’s nothing else I can do at this point. I lost a pretty lucrative client for reasons unbeknownst to me (and I wish I knew so I could fix it and improve my work if not now then in the future), but more than that (fuck the money and the work) I lost someone I considered a friend. That makes me sadder than any amount of money I’d make from working for Demande. I guess it was a smart move to take the job at Company H because if I had put all my money making eggs in Demande’s basket, I’d not have an income to sustain me. The best way to deal with all this: I told Kunzite that after yoga I’m getting drunk. What a fantastic adult way of dealing with shit! That’s all for now. Don’t worry, no tequila for me.