Life · Mental Health

Friends…

Last night I went to yoga and then afterward Kunzite and Kotono comforted me with delicious food and alcohol (but mostly alcohol).  Neither one could believe that I had done anything even remotely awful to cause Demande to abruptly fire me (even though Kunzite banned me from saying I was “fired” and preferred to say that Demande had taken a “leave of absence”).

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Look how pretty this food is.

Both Kunzite and Kotono were shocked by Demande’s behavior could offer no rational explanation beyond that they think he is just working through something.  Kunzite swore up and down that Demande would come to his senses and explain WTF his problem is sooner or later.  However, Kotono affirmed that Japanese people do tend to run away from their problems rather than confront them (remember she’s Japanese) which only makes me think more and more that the problem lies with me.  I cried to them last night.  Real tears.  I cried about how I had hated this city for so long.  I told them that I used to not want to get out of bed.  I never thought I’d make any friends here.  How silly that is they pointed out as we said 乾杯 and clinked our glasses together.  Of course, they matter.  I love Kunzite and Kotono, and I’m so happy I met them.  However, I can’t ever forget that when I hated this place the most, when I thought there was nothing good or interesting about this city, when Mamoru worked his face off every night and had nothing left for me, that was when Demande showed me kindness and friendship.  Also, working for him sustained me for two months.  These are big things.  The friendship, however, was worth more than anything he ever paid me.

I didn’t tell Mamoru I was fired.  I don’t suppose it would matter much to him since it doesn’t affect him in the slightest.  I think Mamoru might be jealous that I am quite sad over losing a (male) friend.  (However, it is worth noting that if Demande had been female and treated me the same, I’d still feel just as sad.)  Regardless, it’s a can of worms I’m not interested in opening.  Meanwhile, I still have other freelance clients (meeting a new client next weekend) and Company H to keep me afloat.  I’m not worried about money at the moment.  I am worried about slinking into a deep depression because of what happened.  I guess what I can do is take each day as it comes, and do my best within those days.  I can say though that had I not taken this job at Company H, I wouldn’t be eager to get out of bed again.  I guess that’s one good thing about deciding to take that job.

I tried to talk to Motoki about this, but he’s too busy to respond to my messages.  I haven’t spoken to Motoki since I saw him at the beginning of last month.  I adore Motoki, but he’s not great at being a friend since I moved away.  (Seems like I have enough not great friends at the moment, so I won’t be taking on anymore thank you very much.)

I don’t suppose I have anything else to say here.  I’m gonna try not to sulk the weekend away and just enjoy some time with Mamoru if the awful rain doesn’t drown all our plans.  I hope you have a lovely weekend filled with great friends.

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