I’m not gonna lie. It’s been a difficult morning. I’m doing the best I can do which is struggle through it. I have to keep telling myself over and over again that I cannot cry. I cannot cry. I am currently at Company H. It’s quiet here. This is going to make my day go by slowly.
This morning I got a Line message from Setsuna, but just like when Demande messaged me last week, Line didn’t bother to tell me I had a message. I had to physically open the app and read it. While there I decided to check out Demande’s profile. He changed his picture and his song. His face looks sad. He’s not much of a smiler anyway but the picture just looks so sad. What’s worse than the picture is his new song. It’s now “Stay” by Zedd & Alessia Cara. Here’s a sampling of the lyrics:
“I could give a thousand reasons why. But you’re going, and you know that. All you have to do is stay a minute. Just take your time. The clock is ticking, so stay. All you have to is wait a second. Your hands on mine…Won’t admit what I already know I’ve never been the best at letting go. I don’t wanna spend the night alone. Guess I need you, and I need to make it on my own, but I don’t wanna grow up. We can stay forever young.”
And because I know that Demande is a romantic deep down to the core, I can’t help but think that maybe his girlfriend broke up with him, and he’s suffering. Of course, this is all supposition, but I have more time on my hands now to sit around and suppose.
I had to take a break from writing this as I was just about to cry. I can’t cry at work. It’s only my second day here. I wish Demande would talk to me. Whatever he’s suffering through, he doesn’t have to suffer alone. Last week Kunzite actually said something that really resonated with me. He said that I can’t force my way of dealing with things onto Demande. He’s right, you know. We each deal with things differently, and perhaps Demande deals by retreating into a shell. All I know is that I miss him terribly.