Today I’m not feeling so good (mentally). I was fine yesterday, but today it just hit me as I was walking back home from the station after my Japanese lesson. Maybe it’s the pain in my legs and back from yoga yesterday. Maybe it’s the pouring rain and the gray skies. Maybe it’s that I couldn’t find any cauliflower at the three stores I went to today. I don’t know what it is.
Regardless I feel really down, so I turned to Kaworu.
I’ve been hugging this guy most of the day. I don’t know if it’s helping or not but it’s what I’m doing at the moment.
Four days ago, the scale was x2.9kg. The next day it was x3.2kg. The next day it was x3.4kg, and today it was x3.6kg. I hate the way this makes me feel. I’m kicking myself for eating ice cream. I’m kicking myself for having Starbucks. I was so excited to reach another kg lost and then the scale jumped by 0.7kg, and now I’m ready to cry. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I know that the weight is nominal. I guess it’s just that depression and weight loss don’t go hand in hand.
I don’t know what to say you guys. My head is noisy. I can’t make it be quiet right now. I wish I could. I’m going to take a shower. (Sorry Kaworu, you’ll just have to wait for me.) Then I’ll try to take a nap. Maybe then my brain will be quiet.