Mental health in a steep decline. Tonight I got angry (past wounds) at Demande and shot a curt “not like you care” in his textual direction (to which he’s not responded to). I don’t know if Demande is good or bad for my mental health, but tonight made me think he’s bad for it. There was a funk hanging around me all day. I couldn’t be motivated to do anything besides lay around on the sofa (no cleaning, no dishes, and I barely was able to wash myself). I couldn’t take care of myself properly today. I almost didn’t make it out the door to meet with a freelance client today. Yeah, fuck you Demande and your “busyness”. At least I still have other freelance clients. I’m so tired of this whole fucking country being too busy for anything. Japanese bullshit. He still refuses to tell me why he suddenly stopped talking to me and mentioned something about his “girlfriend” tonight so what the fuck? Did they break up or what? When I asked him directly about it, he actually avoided the question. He’s been so odd since his disappearance. Sometimes he’ll be really nice to me, and other times he’s a total dick. What happened to him? This was not the same guy I knew before. Something changed him. And me? I still have unresolved anger about what happened that I can’t seem to resolve on my own. Demande isn’t telling me anything, so what should I do? I feel like I’m in such a low place right now. Fuck you depression. And fuck you anger issues. Ugh fuck all this bullshit right now. I can’t even write this anymore. I thought it would be cathartic but it’s just making me angrier.
I’m done with this for today. As always, I appreciate any kind words you can shoot my way. Be well friends.