Life · Mental Health · Weight Loss

Blank…

I’m nursing a headache.  Mamoru did sleep on the sofa last night.  He closed the door off the hall and legit lied down on the sofa with a blanket and his head buried in the sofa pillows.  I had to laugh when I saw this.  What else can I do?  Married life.  To compensate for the lack of Mamoru in the bed, I let Small Lady sleep in the bed (she usually sleeps on the bed I made for her in her crate).  She was so happy she snored so loudly through the night.  I love that little piggy.

Mamoru’s currently at the park…exercising.  What even?  In the 4.5 years I’ve known this guy he’s never gone to the park to exercise.  Whatever.  More power to him.  Maybe he’ll exercise the grump out of him.  Endorphins and all that.

These next 5kg have been proving a bit difficult to get off already.  Granted it’s only been 10 days and I’ve not worked for a week.  My weight was showing a downward trend (at x1.1kg about 4 days ago, held steady at x1.3kg and then jumped up today to x1.9kg).  Yesterday was not a good carb day obviously.  Too many sweet drinks.  Fuck this is hard.  What’s more is that I’m supposed to have dinner with Kotono which will prove difficult as does eating out anywhere in Japan on the low-carb vegetarian lifestyle.  Sigh.

I’m so over Golden Week already.  If I’m not traveling what’s the point of having a week off work.  I’d rather be working and making money.  Speaking of money I get my first paycheck mid-month this month.  Thank everything.  This not having a paycheck and relying on freelance work (which has been spotty since Demande left me) and Mamoru for money is for the fucking birds.

In other odd news I had a dream about Motoki last night.  I couldn’t tell you the content, but I woke up with a strong memory of dreaming about Motoki.  Maybe my brain misses him.  I miss a lot of people these days.  I don’t like it.

Standing in line for Bunny Island left me sunburnt all the way to my scalp, and it fucking hurts.  It literally feels like my head is bruised when I touch it and I want to cry when I brush my hair.  In yoga last night we did core work, so my abs are burning.  I’m a mess, you guys.  It’s supposed to rain.  I want to not even today.  I feel like I should cancel with Kotono.  Kunzite already canceled on us, so I wouldn’t be the first offender.  Fucking adult decisions.  I want to just lie in bed all day.

Maybe depression has decided to rear its ugly head today.  Ugh fucking go away.  I feel so blank today.  It’s the only way to describe it.  Not happy.  Not sad.  Just blank.  The bed is looking super right about now.

Edit: Just had a cry in the shower.  Could I tell you why?  Nope.  I can’t pinpoint exactly why I was weeping in the water.  I feel a vast nothingness inside my head right now.  It’s not even noisy.  Just empty.

 

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