Today was mostly unspectacular. Facebook reminded me that I fell down the stairs at a train station two years ago. This was maybe a memory I didn’t want to relive. This reminded me of how I was laid up for a week, how awful my foot was for a long time after that, how I had to take the bus, and how I couldn’t ride my bicycle. It also reminded me that all this caused me to gain a lot of weight. Being immobile and depressed can do that to a person. Many people have stories of how they moved to Japan and lost so much weight because of the Japanese diet. I don’t have that story. I’ve never had that story. I moved to Japan, lived here for a while barely maintaining my weight, then got hurt and gained weight. It’s not a story to tell around. Anyway, if I showed pictures of me on here even though there aren’t very many full body pictures of me that exist, I look noticeably heavier in those pictures. One picture I remember clearly. It’s a beautiful picture of Mamoru and I in Okinawa. However, my stomach sticks out so much that I look pregnant. I wasn’t, of course (as well you know dear readers). Using an app I slimmed my stomach before I posted this picture on social media. I did the same with another photo that I posted when I was in Tokyo in January. Slimmed my stomach. It’s shameful to type this out. It’s basically lying to the world who views me on social media. All those likes on the photos were ill-gotten. I didn’t deserve them. I inaccurately represented myself.
For a long time I thought I would just be “fat” and I accepted that this is what had happened to my body and there was no going back. (“Fat” is in quotes because I felt like I was fat though maybe not fat in the classical American sense of the word. Definitely fat in Japan and obese by BMI standards). This was back in November when I was weighed at the doctor’s (and subsequently horrified by the number. Then I received an infertility diagnosis, so yeah that was not a good day. I thought I should lose weight, but I didn’t know how. Before I started low-carb, I had lost some of the holiday weight. At the start of low-carb my BMI was down to overweight. Now according to BMI (which you all know I still think is BS), I’m still “overweight”. However, I’ve lost 6kg (13 pounds) so far. I’ve almost lost 7kg (just 0.5kg until 7kg lost) which means I’m on the last leg of my weight loss and only 4 more kilograms to go. This is all awesome of course but the best thing happened today. My sort of boss (basically she’s in charge of the division where I work at Company H) took my picture today for a PPT for an event at Company H. We took a myriad of pictures (all which featured my chins – damn genetics for that – and one where my tattoo poked out which I rapidly made her delete before she noticed it); however, the picture we decided to use was the one where she exclaimed “You look skinny!” She followed that with “Well, you are skinny” and then I told her I had recently lost 6kg and she was like “Well done you!” She’s a foreigner, and she’s not skinny nor fat maybe average muscular. However, no one in Japan has ever called me skinny before. I beamed you guys. I beamed all day. What’s more than that is on Monday I stopped by the Gap Factory store near my house. I bought a size small jumpsuit and a size medium dress. I don’t know if Gap clothing runs large or not but I still felt pretty freakin’ fantastic. These days I look in the mirror and don’t cringe at what I see. I’m feeling much better about myself. How much has changed from two years ago to today. It’s been a hell of a ride. Bring on what’s next.