Japan · Life · Mental Health · Music

When the music stops playing…

I’ve talked many times in this blog about how music so deeply affects me.  Last night Yuichiro’s band had another live show, so Rei, Shingo, and I rolled up there.  Rei was late, so I met Shingo, and he brought these two lame-o friends with him.  In addition, Shingo asked to borrow ¥1000 while we were at the door.  It’s not a lot of money but once you pay, you can’t go back out.  Also, I had told Shingo that I had intended to buy a CD from one of the bands that night.  Because of that and the cost of the show, I had no money left and Rei bought me two drinks last night.  It was super annoying because we’ve let Shingo stay in our house for three fucking weeks for fucking free.  He should not be borrowing money from me.  Those things caused the night to start out off on a bad foot.  In addition, Yuichiro was a little weird last night.  He kept running off and didn’t talk to me much until the very end of the night.  He did walk with Rei and I to the station, so at least there was that.

Despite these minor annoyances the music was amazing.  Yuichiro’s band was great as always (even though he didn’t sing lead on anything).  There was a rap duo from the US there who were super cool.  However, the best of the evening was the headliners.  The Japanese group consisted of two singers and a rapper, and they would tap out for each song.  They were all so damn good.  On the way home Yuichiro sent me screenshots of the songs from the show, so as soon as I got home from yoga today, I loaded the CD I bought onto my iTunes and then downloaded a bunch of songs from one of the singers last night.  Guys his music wrecked me, and at one point I just couldn’t handle it anymore and just started crying.  When Mamoru asked why I was crying I said, “I don’t know.”  That’s depression.  That’s what it does.  One minute I was wrapped up in this beautiful music and the next I was so overcome with emotion that it just came out in tears.

The title of this blog is from a short “poem” I wrote.  I dare not write any more of it here.  I’m not okay right now.  That’s the bottom line.  It’s only 10:30PM and I already feel like going to bed despite having a nap today.  I don’t want the music to stop playing.  I feel like it’s the only thing keeping me sane right now.  I can’t really write anymore.  It already took over an hour just to write this short entry.  I’ll stay strong.  I have to.

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