On Saturday Mamoru and I are going to California for a vacation with my family. (Should be fun right?). Before we go, he thought it would be a good idea to have a big ugly fight. Basically, I asked him to research some eye surgery for me since I have ptosis which I think is getting worse. He thought I blamed him for the problem (ridiculous) and he turned into a huge asshole. Then there was yelling and cussing (mostly on my part). He said the worst part about the fight was the fact that I say fuck too much while fighting. Really? Fuck is the worst part. I never said “fuck you” to him. Mostly I say “fucking” fill-in-the-blank. So the worst part is fuck? The worst part is we’re not happy and we haven’t been since we moved here. He finally agreed with that. He said it’s good we’re taking a break (both a vacation and then I’m going back to my hometown with my family for 2 more weeks). I’m mostly happy to spend time with my niece.
So I’m supposed to be packing because they are going to pick up the luggage today but I’ve not gotten out of bed. My eyes hurt and are heavy and puffy from crying last night. I’m so exhausted. I’m tired of feeling depressed. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of fighting all the damn time. I just want everything to be miraculously better. I’m certain life doesn’t work that way. Sigh.