I’m currently at Company H but the office is dead. There’s a group of Japanese people in button up shirts and suits talking very loudly across the way, and if not for them and the horrific Justin Beiber mix playing at the far end of the office, this place would be silent.
Last night I was talking to Mamoru about Pokémon Go, and he had no fucking idea what I was talking about. He’s quit playing the game for maybe the 3rd or 4th time. I lost count. It seems so silly, but it actually really bummed me out. See Mamoru and I have literally no shared interests.
Let’s analyze this shall we?
- Travel: Yes, we both love travel but we recently quit traveling in an effort to save money, so I guess it’s a shared interest but one we don’t do any more.
- Eating out: Yes, we like eating out and trying new restaurants. However, when we do go out to eat our conversation centers mostly around food. “Was that good?” “Can I try that?” These days we are both on very different diets, so eating out often proves difficult.
- Movies: Mostly this is not a shared interested as he enjoys B movie horror and documentaries, and I enjoy literally everything else. Once in a while we’ll find a middle ground in a blockbuster or superhero movie. However, when we try to watch movies together at home, he always falls asleep, and then we can’t even talk about the movie after it’s over.
- Shopping: Mamoru and I both really love shopping, but mostly we never shop at the same places. He’s got designer everything (yes even socks and underwear) while I’m content to buy clothes from Uniqlo, Goodwill, Forever 21, or H&M’s clearance rack. He doesn’t like any of those stores.
So yeah that’s it. Four shared interests that aren’t even all that great. As I said before Pokémon Go was a shared interest but he quit, so now it’s just one of my interests.
Let’s take a look at some of our individual interests and why they remain so. (I’m starting with myself because it’s my blog dammit.)
- Music: This is a huge one. Music has always been a huge part of my life whether it’s going to shows, belting out tunes in the car or on the bicycle, singing at karaoke, or using songs to cope with literally anything. It will always be there and ever present. Mamoru has always been invited to shows and karaoke. He’s always expressed a strong desire to not go. Kotono, Rei, Shingo, and of course Yuichiro are those who I’ve shared my love of music with.
- Books/Reading: Let’s face it, it’s not a very social activity to begin with. The one time I bought Mamoru and I the same book, neither of us read it so hashtag fail. Setsuna is occasionally my book friend.
- TV: Though it’s hard for me to stay focused on TV shows these days, I still watch a ton of American TV, but by comparison Mamoru only watches Japanese TV which I hate with every fiber of my being. Artemis has been my TV friend almost as long as I’ve know him.
- Gardening: Mamoru will water the plants, but he hasn’t felt an intense love of making things grow like I have.
- Photography: I like taking pictures. I’m not a professional or super good at it or anything, but I enjoy doing it. Mostly this is not something that Mamoru enjoys even though I think he might have at one point.
- Card games: I love playing Cards Agaisnt Humanity and the like. Mamoru has no interest in these things probably because he’s not a native speaker and based on past experiences (playing with non-native speakers) the slang and word usage is very difficult. Let’s face it, there have even been things I’ve had to look up while playing CAH.
- Hiking: Mamoru went hiking a lot before I met him. He doesn’t do it so much anymore. He often asks me to go hiking with him, but I’ve been hiking maybe 2 times in my entire life. To be honest, it’s not what I would pick for my ideal day out.
- Golf: Again something he did more before I met him. I think he’s done it once in the time we’ve been together. Mini golfing (something I don’t even thing Japan has) makes me incredibly angry due to my general competitive nature. If I was on an actual grown up golf course it would be because I got lost and wandered onto one or I dropped dead on one.
- Tennis: I guess this is an interest of his. Mamoru asked me once to take tennis lessons with him. I flat out told him no as it was not something I’m interested in. (In general I’m not a fan of sports.) I’ve never actually heard of him going to play tennis though I think he has some rackets buried away somewhere.
Truthfully I can’t think of anything else Mamoru likes. I think sadly his work consumes most of his life which leaves him little time for any hobbies. At one point, he wanted to be a chef and was going to go to cooking school but that fizzled along with his attention span for everything else.
So basically we’ve tried to share interests, but he doesn’t like the things I do and vice versa. With the waning of his interest in Pokémon Go there’s really nothing we share in our every day life anymore. This super bums me out, and while I think compromises can be made in a relationship, one shouldn’t have to compromise who they are as a person of what things they enjoy doing. Am I right?
What do you think? Have you ever faced any difficulties like these? I’d love to hear your thoughts.