Japan · Life · Music

Sad, empty, lonely…

I’m pretty sad right now actually.  My birthday is approaching faster and faster it seems.  I’m trying to budget so I can go to Yuichiro’s show at the end of the month.  This one is kind of a big deal as his band is hosting the show.  I’m not sure what that means exactly, but it seems pretty cool.

But why am I sad?  Various reasons.

I’m having a party tomorrow.  Just a small Cards Against Humanity thing.  I’m actually looking forward to it, but this morning Kunzite messaged me and said he couldn’t go.  He chalked it up to some kind of depression; however, I thought about it carefully, and he’s bailed on 3 of the last 3 things I’ve invited him to.  I began to wonder if it was me or if he’s actually depressed and doesn’t wanna be around people.  I don’t know.

Rei has been MIA the entire time her idiot boyfriend has been here.  She messaged me earlier this week saying he made her cry.  Apparently he didn’t get a joke she made and instead of forgetting about it, he attacked her and called her names.  What a douchewaffle.  He’s gone now to Tokyo to watch some dumb game show.  Alas, she has promised to continue to be MIA because she has a dumb work test to study for.  Kotono also has a test coming up.  Both these girls will be deep in the books with little time for me.  Fantastic.  #sarcasm

In more sadness, Mamoru has been sleeping on the sofa as per usual.  A while ago, I stopped even mentioning it.  If he wants to sleep there, who am I to stop him?  My arguments fall on deaf ears anyway.  It’s a waste of energy.

Even more sadness caused by Yuichiro’s radio silence.  We use Instagram to chat, I don’t know why that is.  Maybe it’s because he uses that app the most.  Anyway, he used to send me videos, lots of videos, every day, all the time.  That doesn’t happen so much anymore.  I’m lucky if I get one video a week.  He doesn’t owe me his time of course; however, it’s just something I’ve come to expect.  It’s weird to put a lot of time into messaging someone and then back off exponentially.  I want to shrug it off.  He’s busy.  He started another job sorting packages for a delivery service.  With that and Company H and the restaurant where he works in addition to allotting time for his girlfriend and his band, I don’t suppose that leaves him very much free time.  Knowing that doesn’t make it suck any less, and I really miss talking to him.  I hope he can find time to visit me at Company H like he did before summer.  I find myself reminiscing about summer a lot.  About all the beautiful music.  About Shingo being here and coming to literally everything I invited him to.  I think about the river a lot too.  I suddenly remembered that Shingo or Yuichiro knocked my beer over and it fell into the river.  I can’t remember who did it.  I’ll have to ask Shingo.  Despite that one lost beer, that was a perfect, perfect day.  Unfortunately, we can’t have perfect days all the time.

These are the reasons I’m feeling sad right now.  I need friends.  I need laughter.  I need music.  I need the sadness, the emptiness, and the loneliness to subside.

4 thoughts on “Sad, empty, lonely…

  1. I love Cards Against Humanity too. It’s right below my love of Settlings of Catan.

    That’ sounds appalling what Rei’s boyfriend did to her. Attacking her and calling her names? Grr…

    I hope he’s not going to the Tokyo Game Show the same day as me and my friends.

    What you’re describing with Yuichiro — the being showered with attention and then cut off — makes me wonder if it’s the Ghosting Game. I hate when people do that. I’ve had it done to me more times than I can count. They start off pouring attention on you, then pull it back suddenly. This leaves the person feeling guilty and needy, like they did something wrong and need to fix things.

    I hope he’s not doing that to you. Hopefully he’s just busy and will go back to his usual self. If it is the ghosting game, then I’ve learned not to take it personal. You did nothing wrong. It’s just a way to get you to chase them.

    Hopefully, that’s not what’s going on here and he really is just busy.

    It sucks how hard it can be to make friends in Japan. Sucks so bad. Big hugs.

    Your blogger friend,



    1. I think that’s the one he went to. Did you happened to see a douchey guy there? I mean that’s pretty vague in and of itself.

      Sigh. I have a love/hate relationship with the modern world. I love that it brings people together but I hate the lame ways in which it pushes people apart. Yuichiro may be going back to his usual self. There were hints of it the past few days.

      As always thank you for reading and your comments. I appreciate the kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We ended up not going after all and just went to Odaiba because that show is in Chiba which was way too far away. Ouch.

        Thanks for all posting stuff from the heart. You say it like it is to you. 🙂


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