I feel like garbage. AF (scheduled for approximately Sunday or Monday) decided to rear her ugly fucking head early yet again. The first day is always the worst day, and if I could I would just chow down on Advil all day and lie in bed. Unfortunately, today I had to work and that made things all that much worse for so many reasons.
I’ll back up. I went to see Yuichiro’s band and Mimi’s solo band play last night. I went alone because I know Yuichiro and I know Mimi and I know they would hang out with me. However, Yuichiro was in rare form last night. He’d drunk too much already and he kept running off to who knows where (never mind I hauled ass on my bicycle from Company H which is far as fuck away from the city to be there in time to see his band). I had had about enough of it and spent most of the night dancing and laughing with Mimi. At one point during the night, I told Mimi that Yuichiro used to visit me all the time and now doesn’t anymore. She scolded him profusely, and as his 先輩 she has every right to do so. I gave him hell about that too saying he’s not really interested in hanging out in our office anymore. His excuse? Suddenly he’s very busy as he sends me as video of himself lying outside under the trees during his break. Sure. So busy. At the end of the night, Mimi got on him again because he didn’t want to walk me to my bicycle which was parked about 10 minutes away. He walked me part way, maybe 3 minutes. I told him I was sad he didn’t come in anymore. He promised he would tomorrow and we said our goodbyes. As per usual the music that night was great from Yuichiro’s and especially Mimi’s and was culminated by this super awesome funk band. It was the first time I had seen them.
AF held off all last night, so I guess I should be thankful for that but showed up this morning leaving me feeling like a big pile of crap. Nonetheless, I dragged my ass out of bed, into the shower, and 11km on the bicycle to Company H. I sent Yuichiro a quick message in the afternoon. I heard nothing all day and about 2:30PM he sent me a message saying that he’d be working from home today. I tried my best to hide my disappointment and trudged through the rest of the slow day without him. On my ride home, I felt super shitty. I pay legitimate money to go see him and support his band time and time again (which of course I know I’m not obligated to do). It costs him nothing to come to our office. Yes, I know he’s not obligated to do so but he had set an expectation for his visits when he kept coming 2 and sometimes 3 times a week. I feel like things haven’t been very reciprocal lately and that makes me feel really bad. He said he was sorry and promised to come next week. Like his promises mean all that much to me these days. I cut off the conversation with a curt “okay” hoping he was smart enough to read the subtext that basically said “fuck you stop lying” and didn’t talk to him the rest of the night.
DBF (haven’t decided if I’ll give him a proper pseudonym yet) invited me to a show on November 1st but I don’t know if I want to go. Maybe I’d have to go alone since Rei is the only one who will go to shows with me, and it’s on a dumb weekday. In other news, Rei and I are going to a reggae festival on Saturday in a nearby city unaffiliated with Yuichiro or Mimi’s bands. and I’m actually super relieved about that. It’s become a costly endeavor seeing them so frequently. Mimi told me the next thing isn’t until November, and I already have a ticket to go alone since Rei will be in Korea. I think I’ll take the rest of October off. I love music but freelance work hasn’t been super steady for various reasons, so my pocketbook hasn’t been overflowing.
All in all, today was a big shit day which left me feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. I hope tomorrow is better. I was going to do yoga but I have dumb AF here and it’s supposed to rain so I backed out. I hope the rain leaves us alone on Saturday at least. I hope you’re having good days. Much love.