I’m having mad anxiety right now. This morning when I went to check CM, it was light yellow and cottage cheese like (which is gross I know). Now I’m pretty sure this is a yeast infection. However, my OTC medicine from America expired and I just threw it out last week. Now since Japan is weird as fuck about women’s health this means I have to go to the doctor to get medicine for this. This would not be a problem if I was in America. I’d happily go to the doctor. Going to the doctor in Japan (for any reason for someone who’s not a native speaker) is agonizing. Not to mention they don’t believe in privacy here, and I’ve heard absolute horror stories about women visiting a gynecologist. Anxiety is in full swing. I can’t go today because I’m at Company H right now and I have freelance work after this. Yeah I’ve resolved to go tomorrow before I have freelance work in the evening. I’m dreading it. I can’t imagine it will be an easy or painless experience.
Meanwhile, at Company H the day has been a mix of dead as hell and oddly busy. And it’s Thursday which means Yuichiro had previously promised to come see me today. I have to give him something (a small gift that I purchased before he started ignoring me), and I brought it with me even though I had already convinced myself he wouldn’t come today. It’s hard to hold back tears as I type this. I posted some things on my Instagram stories for him to stalk and hopefully feel guilty about if he doesn’t show up again. Also, the (work) day is just a little over an hour from being finished and I’ve not heard a peep from him. Why am I shocked? Maybe deep down I was holding onto a little bit of hope that his promises actually meant something and weren’t just empty words.
The next two things we can also file under “Shit That Royally Pisses Me Off”. Company H emailed me this morning and was like “Hey can you work tomorrow?” I was like fuck off. Um no I can’t I have freelance work tomorrow that I can’t cancel, and I have to get my vagine looked at so yeah, no. Actually I didn’t say all that but I was like “I can’t cancel shit last minute.” (Minus the “shit”.) Also, it was raining this morning so I had to take the stupid fucking train (meaning I couldn’t ride my bicycle). About an hour after I got here it stopped raining and hasn’t rained a drop since. FML right now. Is there anything that doesn’t suck?
Just hold it together for one more hour Usagi. Just hold it together and then you can cry on the train.
Edit: Yuichiro sent me a video message at quarter till 5. It was him in bed apologizing profusely (as much as one can in 15 seconds) for not coming today. Apparently, Thursday has become the designated work from fucking home day (or blow everything off and stay in bed as it seems). I responded in the most passive aggressive way I could with a 15 second video of “Promises Promises” notably the part where they say “You made me promises promises knowing I’d believe. Promises promises, you knew you’d never keep.” Who knows if because of the language barrier the message was lost on him or not. Now I’m sad and angry.