Japan · Life · Mental Health

Ups and downs but mostly downs…

Where last we left our hero, her world was imploding on itself.  Things are still garbage…mostly.

On Friday, I had a freelance meeting and was set to come home after, but Gurio messaged me and asked me to go to karaoke and since things were awkward at our last freelance meeting I figured some time at karaoke would help me get to the bottom of his weird behavior.  Karaoke was okay and a little fun and while there Gurio confessed that he had cheated on his wife before, and since then his wife was suspicious of him hanging around another girl.  Okay, but the reason we meet is to work, and that’s it.  I mean I guess I understand her feelings.  I’d be wary of Mamoru hanging around new girls if I had found he cheated on me.  Anyway, after karaoke I felt like hugging random people, but Gurio and I didn’t get the same reception that Rei and I did.  In the end I was more bummed out than anything else that random people didn’t wanna hug me.  I said farewell to Gurio and pedaled home.  About halfway home, 3 random (drunk) guys stopped me and said “Where from?” (My favorite fucking question.)  I guess earphones are about as effective in Japan as in America for stopping random people from talking to you.  Oddly enough these guys (well the most talkative/drunk of the three) wanted to talk about Netflix and more specifically “House of Cards”.  Hooray for random oddities.  They didn’t leave me alone until I said I was going home to my husband.  Even weirder before that they asked me if I had a child to go home to and not a husband.

On Saturday, I finished the Halloween costume, and then Rei and I met up to attend a pub crawl.  The organizer of the pub crawl who we know told us to get blue wristbands.  Not knowing what this meant exactly, Rei and I did so.  As it turned out, blue was the reject group.  While they took the majority of the crowd to cooler places, we got shoved into basements with less than 20 other people (the yellow wristband group was over 100 people).  The people in the blue group were pretty cool and we had a fun time with them.  However, at bar 2/3 a guy was dancing crazily near me, swung his arm and clubbed me right in the jaw.  He was Japanese so basically he apologized 100 fucking times and sat near me even though I kept telling him I was “okay” which is English for “fuck off and leave me alone.”  Any native speaker knows that.  When Rei found out what had happened and came to console me, I cried into her arms.  It hurt of course (still does by the way), but I was also crying because I was so disappointed.  I wanted to have a great and fun Halloween, but Rei and I got stuck in the reject group, and even though the people there were nice enough, I just felt like it was a waste of money/time/energy/great costume.  After getting clocked in the face, I didn’t much feel like doing anything else, and Rei and I stayed at place 3/3 for about ten minutes before heading home.  We walked through the touristy area and saw some great costumes.  My favorites of the evening were Blade, Frida, The Shining Twins, and Negan.  The Shining Twins were over the moon because they said no one got their costume.  About 5 people got mine and that was okay even though I had hoped for more.  I posted about 10 videos of Rei, me, and the reject group on my Instagram stories last night.  Yuichiro (who still isn’t answering my messages the little shit) viewed every single one.  EVERY.  SINGLE.  ONE.  He does this in the wee hours of the morning.  I know this because when I went to bed (around 1AM), he hadn’t viewed any of them.  On Friday after the doctor I had lunch with Kunzite and updated him on Yuichiro.  Kunzite said it might be that he turned off his notifications because he didn’t want to talk to me or didn’t want someone to know he was talking to me, but we’ll never know for sure.  He also agreed with me that Yuichiro’s strange messages don’t seem like him either, and Kunzite thinks he might have talked to a 先輩 who put these thoughts in his head or his weird girlfriend might have gotten jealous.  Because of his aloofness, againwe don’t know for sure.  I cried about that to Kunzite and about Kotono.  I am so tired of people acting like this.

Speaking of Kotono, she messaged me today while I was at our fall festival for Company H (which got shut down early due to the typhoon) .  She said she felt pressured to hang out with us (huh?) and didn’t feel like “partying” lately.  I guess that’s all Rei and I do is party.  Weird.  She also said she didn’t mean to leave the chat.  She pushed the wrong button.  She also accused me of not understanding Japanese culture (how Japanese people don’t like to trouble anyone by saying no).  I hate when Japanese people do that high horse bullshit.  Like Japan and Japanese are too difficult for tiny foreign brains.  It’s super condescending.  Fuck off.  I understand Japanese culture very well.  It doesn’t mean I agree with every aspect of it.  Bullshit.  Anyway, I suspect she’s lying about some things, but I told Rei I’m not gonna waste any more energy worrying about it.  I guess Kotono and I are still friends even though her behavior has been super weird, and I told her as much.  Whatever.

My mental health hasn’t been great.  Today I had a breakdown because Mamoru tried to eat some Vienetta (‘memba that?) that I had stashed.  I cried that being on a diet is hard as fuck and I can’t eat anything.  Of course, that incident triggered me just like being hit in the face triggered (and intensified) my disappointment of the previous evening.  Too heavy a load on my mental health with everything that’s been going on with my friends leads to triggers intensified.  I canceled my Japanese lesson for tomorrow and am taking a mental health day.  I worked every day last week and am exhausted.  Plus, freelance work this week is less and there’s a big show next weekend.  I’m currently thinking of ways to avoid awkward run-ins with Yuichiro while still enjoying myself.  I already bought my ticket (it wasn’t cheap) so fuck Yuichiro’s childish behavior; he can’t keep me away from Mimi and the music I love so much.

That’s all.  Heavy sigh.  I’m calling it a night.  I’m so tired.  I hope you’re having better days.

2 thoughts on “Ups and downs but mostly downs…

  1. I had never heard of this “blue” wristband thing. That doesn’t seem fair if you paid the same price as the people with “yellow”. Just reading about what they did to you and your friends pisses me off.

    How is that fair at all?


    1. Totally not. Rei and I are considering never going to one of their Meetups again. I spoke to the organizer as he’s an acquaintance and he said he’d have to find a better solution for next time…not that I’ll be attending next time.

      Liked by 1 person

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