Life · Mental Health · Music

Normal…

I don’t even know where to begin with last night.  I am super hungover, so I hope this comes out coherently.

Last night I met Rei before the show was supposed to start and greeted her with a chu-hi.  We both decided that we weren’t hungry, so we opted to skip dinner and go straight to drinking.  This was both an awesome idea but a very bad idea.  First, I gave Mimi her birthday present and she loved it.  She even put on the earrings I gave her and wore them during her performance.  I couldn’t be happier.  After I saw Yuichiro and threw a t-shirt in his face.  Basically, I bought it 100 years ago when he kept promising to come into our office but never did.  That was that, and he hung back from us the rest of the night.  During his band’s performance, the band was on stage playing.  This is usual.  Their singer usually comes out later making an entrance (I guess).  The only difference is last night, she never came on stage.  Instead two rappers from a group I’m not super fond of came onstage and rapped while the band played.  Since I didn’t like them, I fucked off and didn’t watch Yuichiro.  While, we were away from the stage, we met a guy wearing a pink donut hoodie.  Basically, I’m down to be friends with anyone wearing a pink donut hoodie.  The donuts looked like they were drawn Simpsons style.  He was really nice and cool and he had a ton of tattoos.  He bought me 2 drinks and Rei one.  He said his sister married and 外人 and he had their baby’s face tattoo’d on his arm.  It’s actually a really nice portrait.  Sometimes they can be shitty.  I didn’t see any other of his tattoos and he didn’t see mine except for one that was exposed.  It’s winter right now so it’s too cold to let them all hang out.  But I digress.

Mimi was awesome as she always is and the rest of the show was super fun assisted by alcohol of course.  The worst part of the night came when Yuichiro came to say goodbye.  It was a jumbled mess.  It was me trying to talk to him in Japanese and English (neither of which I was very good at in that moment) and him trying to do the same.  Finally, he gave up and talked to Rei for a while strictly in Japanese.  She translated what he said to me saying that he said he still likes me the same but he’s just been busy.

Then I walked with Rei to the station, called bullshit on what Yuichiro said, and bawled the entire length of the 商店街 and I’m not kidding about this.  I’m certain it was 50% Yuichiro and 50% the alcohol.  I managed to ride my bike home and don’t ask me how.  After I showered, Mamoru tried to ask me what was wrong as he noticed I’d been crying but I told him I was fine and went to bed.  He went to bed of the sofa as per usual.

After that I messaged Yuichiro and asked where his singer was last night.  He said she was arrested for weed.  This is…what?  I don’t know if he’s joking or serious.  He seemed super serious about it.  That conversation turned in to a bit of a longer conversation about how every time I talked to him it bummed him out because all I want to talk about these days is how he stopped talking to me.  He said he only wanted to talk about fun things.  Fine, I said.  Let’s go back.  Let’s go back to the time when we talked always and we talked about fun things.  That’s why I gave him the shirt because it was a reminder of a funny fun time.  So we talked for a moment and things were like normal.  Today we talked for another moment and things were like normal.  Maybe things have returned to normal.  I don’t know.

This morning Mamoru was angry I wouldn’t tell him why I had been crying last night.  He said it was an indication we are no longer a team and that I was hiding something from him.  Okay, like him sleeping on the sofa on purpose isn’t an indication we aren’t a team?  However, that’s another argument.  I told him I didn’t feel like talking about it at that time which is why I didn’t tell him anything.  I also said that it’s been impossible to talk to him these days as he’s been engrossed in studying for his work test.  He said all these were excuses (or the truth whatever).  So we had a big fight and he said he wouldn’t forget about this for a long time.  Like that was some sort of threat.  Oh Mamoru’s dramatics.

After that Small Lady threw up for the forth time this morning so he decided to stop being crazy about this and we took her to the vet.  She had a blood test and an IV as well as some medicine.  They said her tests were fine but they wanted to send her blood off for further analysis.  I had a breakdown in the waiting room thinking about P, my first dog who died of kidney failure.  I’ve decided that Small Lady must live forever.  (Of course, I know she won’t but this dog has saved me from basically a shitty existence.)

After the vet, Small Lady and I took a nap and Mamoru went to the gym.  I hadn’t eaten anything all day and later Mamoru made me dinner which I picked at and didn’t eat much of.  Maybe things with us have returned to normal too.

All I do know is that I feel so very not normal now (thanks hangover).  I also feel like crying at the drop of a hat (thanks depression).  I think the is the best I can do with this post.  I hope I didn’t forget anything.  Be well.

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