Mamoru’s brother called on Sunday night. His brother doesn’t call very often. In fact, in the past Mamoru has described his relationship with his brother as not so great. He’s called his brother lazy (as he lived with お父さん until like 5 seconds before he got married I’m inclined to believe this is true). His brother called because he wanted to borrow money. Of course, his brother wouldn’t call just for a friendly fucking chat. I won’t mention how much money he asked for. I can say that if someone asked to borrow that amount of money from me I would say no because I don’t have that much money in the bank. Mamoru said he agreed to give his brother the money and who am I to argue as Mamoru and I have always had separate accounts and technically it’s his money and not ours. I also mentioned that Mamoru makes me feel guilty if he even has to give me ¥5000 (about $50). I said I hope he made his brother feel real guilty. He said that he did. I’m not so sure if it was the same level of guilt judging from his tone.
Today I read a blog from someone who adopted her children. She was reflecting on the adoption on her daughter’s 9th birthday. It’s here if you’re interested. This post just hit me harder than anything about having children has recently. It renewed my strong strong desire to adopt. (Perhaps it’s also been in the wake of seeing new pregnancy posts from my FB friends as well as one rather unexpected pregnancy post from a friend who has been trying for a long time.) While I am happy for these people, I think about myself, and I think about the unwanted children in poor countries surrounding us and even in wealthy Japan. I can’t have all those children, but I want to give some a better life. I’ve always thought adoption was the way I wanted to go. It never occurred to me that my husband would be so grossly opposed to it. I don’t know if I should broach the topic with him again. He said we’re running out of time to (physically) have our own children, and it’s been told to me (by doctors) that I probably won’t be able to have children naturally, and I also told Mamoru I flat out refuse IVF. The only options that remain are IUI, adoption or remain childfree. Two out of the three I would be fine living with. Care to guess which two? Basically, I think IUI is a waste of time and money especially with my issues and the fact that it likely wouldn’t take. My heart hurts to think about adopting children and the fact that because of Mamoru’s unrelenting stubbornness and selfishness that we probably will never be able to do that even though we have the space and finances if Mamoru doesn’t go bankrupt giving it to his brother. (I’m not trying to be sarcastic. Mamoru has actually on more than one occasion accused me of being the cause of his future bankruptcy. He has a flair for dramatics.) Sigh. This is all a losing battle I’m afraid. I should just give it up.
These are the things on my mind at the present moment. Silly what things we think of at any given time.
In other news Eiru and I have just had a hearty chat on FB bringing back a whole flood of memories from the MySpace days. He still remains one of my favorite people who exist on this green earth and talking to him again makes me gleeful. In other friend news Yuichiro and I had a minor chat on Sunday. It wasn’t much but we talked and that’s something I guess. We haven’t talked that heartily in a while or since. Baby steps. I guess he needs to take baby steps to get over whatever dumb fucking thing is wrong with him.
That’s it. I guess. Stay warm.