I just sold my TV.  It was the first flat screen TV I’d ever owned and the first proper TV I ever bought for myself.  A bit of a milestone really.  However, for more than 6 months it had just been sitting in the tatami room gathering dust and taking up space.  Well, it’s gone now.  No use crying over spilled milk.  Hopefully that will make it easier to share a space when Mamoru and I need to do that.

This morning I woke up to Shingo messaging me about Advil.  (It’s what I asked him to bring me from Canada.)  Well, after that I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I had a brilliant idea to switch the rooms.  Turn Mamoru’s office into our bedroom (well basically mine since the sofa is his bedroom now which hilariously ends when Shingo gets here) and make our bedroom into the baby’s room.  I thought that Mamoru’s office might be bigger and turns out I was right.  Not incredibly so (only 3cm) but it has a closet and the bedroom doesn’t.  Also, it opens up onto a balcony and these are things that a baby doesn’t need but might be nice for us.  The only thing we need is another air conditioner which we will need anyway.  Shockingly enough Mamoru agreed to this change (because he really wouldn’t lose anything just his space would be shifted (which will happen anyway).  Mamoru is being really great about most things adoption related.  I can only hope the process continues along this smooth path.  It’s hopeful.

After that I cleaned out and reorganized my sock and pants drawers.  I threw away a bunch of old socks.  I love this kind of purging.  It’s so therapeutic.  Then I met a girl and gave her some things I didn’t need and then it was off to Company H.  The wind was so offensive today and almost blew me into oncoming traffic more than once.  Since I forgot my sweater, I stopped at Uniqlo before work to buy one lest I freeze to death in our cave of an office (but the sweater still wasn’t warm enough).  Company H was boring AF today, and after I met Gurio for a freelance meeting.  Once finished, I bought some gift bags for the family’s Christmas presents to be shipped off later this week.  When I was wrapping them I had forgotten but we bought this shirt for my niece (who is my favorite tiny human on the planet):


I told Mamoru we should buy this for our baby, but since I’m strictly opposed to buying anything baby before there is certainty of a baby, we only bought it for the niece.  It really spoke to me.  Because:

  • More than 2 years of trying
  • 1 miscarriage
  • Countless arguments and disagreements
  • 1 stubborn husband
  • 1 headstrong wife
  • An uncountable number of OPKs
  • More than 10 pregnancy tests
  • 21 kg lost

And that’s just the stuff I can remember off the top of my head.  It’s been a hard fight and a long road, but I think deep down neither I nor Mamoru ever lost hope of having a family.  I hope this whole process don’t change that.  Because when there is nothing left, people still have hope.  People will always have hope.

2 thoughts on “Hope…

  1. It sounds like having something specific to focus on (other than work) is doing your husband good! Hopefully he continues to be this proactive about adoption.

    In 25 cycles (now on cycle 26) I have taken precisely one pregnancy test. Every single other time I’ve started spotting before my period was due, so I already knew I was out by between 6 and 8 dpo.


    1. That’s way too soon for spotting I’d say. Do you have a short LP? Short cycle in general? Spotting is generally a sign of low progesterone. Have you talked to your doctor about this?


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