Shingo and I spent the day at IKEA while Mamoru was on a work trip. Per Mamoru’s request I was supposed to search the discount area for a crib. Also per Mamoru’s request I was supposed to purchase a crib if there was one in the discount area. There wasn’t but I walked through the store looking at baby furniture. As it so happens a new crib was discounted half price and a changing table was 40% off. After speaking with Mamoru on the phone about this, we decided to purchase both items. Of course, we haven’t adopted a baby yet but evaluating our channels of adoption the fastest channels yield a baby and not an older child. This was my argument for purchasing both of these items today without any moon baby to use them. Also, I figured that this was a sign from the PTB. Do you believe in signs? I actually went to IKEA to buy curtains and to get Mamoru’s Christmas present. I had no intention of buying baby furniture (as I didn’t think there would be any in the discount area). I just went to look. I didn’t expect these things to be so dramatically discounted. I figured that this was a sign. Our baby must be coming soon right?
Well, on the train home I checked the online NPO. The baby we had applied to adopt, her adoption was now labeled “in progress” which means we didn’t get chosen. I wasn’t super shocked by this as our grade is still zero. However, for some reason I was still very sad about this. This is our first adoption failure. First of many if I’m being realistic. After I came home I went to work altering the curtains to distract myself and Mamoru asked me what was wrong. I told him the truth that I was sad. He didn’t say anything else after that even when I started crying after a stack of his papers fell on me (as I was trying to move them to get to the curtains). I asked him if this was how it was gonna be with adoption. He’s going to ignore my feelings? We had a discussion about this and he confessed he didn’t want to deal with me. He didn’t feel like it. I told him he needs to check his selfishness at the door especially if we are to have children. I’m going to need his help and support and sometimes that will be emotional support rather than “here hold the baby” (but of course sometimes it will be “here hold the baby”). He said I should try to be stronger as we’ll probably face a lot of rejection. I agreed but I told him I was anxious to start our family. I feel like we’ve been waiting long enough. That’s the problem with TTC or adoption as they are mostly never done when you’re most ready.
So now we have some baby furniture. Maybe that’s silly. I’m still trying to be hopeful. In the past I had vowed never to buy baby things before an actual confirmed baby. However, Mamoru seems to think we are two lucky people and that luck will eventually be on our side where adoption is concerned. I hope so. I really hope so.
In other news my forehead has turned a lovely shade of yellow, bruised from my literal run in with the shoe cabinet. Thank the PTB for make up amirite?
Today has been a difficult day, but I suppose that’s to be expected. We are TTC all over again this time TTA (Trying to Adopt not Avoid as that’s what this would normally stand for). Appreciate the well wishes, happy thoughts, and prayers if you’re keen to send them our way. Our baby is out there.