Life

Not ready…

During our discussion this weekend Mamoru said he didn’t think he was ready to be a parent.  Is anyone ever ready?  Yesterday morning Small Lady made a big mess on the living room floor next to the sofa while Shingo and I were talking to the AC guy.  When I came back I stepped in poo and spit out a ton of cuss words.  So maybe I’m not ready either.  Is anyone ever ready?  At least I managed to channel my anger into cleaning up the mess and didn’t put it on Small Lady or Shingo.  Baby steps I guess.  I guess we work to get ready as best as we can.

Yesterday afternoon, I had coffee with Mimi.  I gave her the baby clothes as a present and she legit started crying.  Oh…oops…that wasn’t the reaction I had hoped for.  She said she was so happy many many times.  It wasn’t until we seriously talked that I found out she had had miscarriages before but fortunately this baby is sticking around.  I told her I knew how she felt.  I said I had miscarriages too, and then I started to cry.  She said that she’s happy about this baby but scared and very hormonal (which is to be expected).  She said she might need to call me if she gets really emotional.  I told her to go ahead.  Is anyone ever really ready?

This was the first time I’ve hung out with Mimi outside of a live show.  I stumbled through the hour in my bad Japanese, but she’s so kind and was so patient with me.  She asked me a lot of questions which helped me talk a little easier.  She said she wanted to study English harder so she could talk to me better.  We took a bunch of pictures and she sent me a message later saying she was happy to spend time with me and get to know me better.  I said that I think so too.  She is legitimately the nicest person I’ve met here.  I think she’ll be a great mom and I hope I can be a mom soon too so we can be moms together.  Her baby is due in July, so I hope we can adopt before then.  I mean I hope we can adopt before then anyway, but one of my fears was that all my friends would abandon me when I had a baby.  As it turns out most of my friends abandoned me before I could ever think about getting Mamoru on board with adoption.  Actually, now that I think about it I’m glad Demande, Michiru, Yuichiro, Kotono, and Kunzite all turned out to be shit friends.  All these things pushed me to where I am now.  Where I am supposed to be.  And that’s working to adopt our first child.  Our most sought after moon baby.

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2 thoughts on “Not ready…

  1. No, I don’t think anybody is ever ready. After over 2 years of trying I am still terrified at the thought that a tiny human will be dependent on ME for everything. Becoming a parent turns your entire life on its head… can anybody ever be ready for that?

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