Yesterday I stumbled upon a pregnancy announcement and an engagement on my Facebook newsfeed. Apparently everyone one thinks that this is the perfect time of year to post these things. I wholeheartedly disagree. I think this time of year is especially hard for infertile couples as we are bombarded with things like pregnancy announcements, pictures of families, pictures of babies and kids, pictures of children opening presents. It all gets to be quite mentally exhausting as we think about our struggles and the fact that two Christmases have passed and there are still no children to share them with. What’s more is the couple who posted the baby announcement has been married for about 5 minutes. I don’t know for certain, but I’d put money on them never experiencing the pain of infertility at all. This made me angry when I scrolled by this. This further emphasizing the unfairness of it all. I’m sure they’ll be great parents but I’m constantly reminded that I’m not despite two years of trying (and who knows how many more trying to adopt). No one has even given me a chance to even try to be a great parent. The PTB have not seen fit to trust me with a child of my own to raise. I don’t want to spend the whole of this blog whining about infertility but man it sure fucking sucks.
Last weekend Mamoru and I celebrated out anniversary. It’s not our official anniversary but on the day our house will be crowded with guests. Not very romantic. Mamoru surprised me with the most delicious tempura I’d ever had. He said the restaurant was a Michelin Star restaurant. I could see why. It was so good. After that we went to a quiet but beautiful rock garden and then had high tea at a fancy hotel overlooking the river. When I went to the bathroom, I came back to flowers on the table. I cried. Mamoru can be romantic given enough preparation. The flowers were roses and dahlias (my favorite flower). It was pretty close to a perfect day.
On Christmas (a working day in Japan), Rei messaged me saying her loser boyfriend had abandoned her to spend Christmas with his old coworkers, so I sent Shingo to go get her while I went to get Naru at the airport. Back at the house (with Mamoru home) we ate Christmas cookies (that I spent all day making) and a vegetable tray and opened presents. It was such a wonderfully happy day despite the absence of the gleeful screams of children opening presents. Interesting fact: for Mamoru and me this was our first Christmas together. Since we met every other Christmas I’ve been in America and him in Japan. I told him that I hope this year marks the first of many Christmases together as we attempt once again to build our family.
This season is particularly hard for anyone struggling with anything. I urge you to be extra kind this time of year. To my readers, I hope the holidays so far have been good to you. I hope you got everything you wanted for Christmas and this New Year’s brings new beginnings and much much more happiness than 2017. Be well.