Adoption · Life

’tis the season…

Yesterday I stumbled upon a pregnancy announcement and an engagement on my Facebook newsfeed.  Apparently everyone one thinks that this is the perfect time of year to post these things.  I wholeheartedly disagree.  I think this time of year is especially hard for infertile couples as we are bombarded with things like pregnancy announcements, pictures of families, pictures of babies and kids, pictures of children opening presents.  It all gets to be quite mentally exhausting as we think about our struggles and the fact that two Christmases have passed and there are still no children to share them with.  What’s more is the couple who posted the baby announcement has been married for about 5 minutes.  I don’t know for certain, but I’d put money on them never experiencing the pain of infertility at all.  This made me angry when I scrolled by this.  This further emphasizing the unfairness of it all.  I’m sure they’ll be great parents but I’m constantly reminded that I’m not despite two years of trying (and who knows how many more trying to adopt).  No one has even given me a chance to even try to be a great parent.  The PTB have not seen fit to trust me with a child of my own to raise.  I don’t want to spend the whole of this blog whining about infertility but man it sure fucking sucks.

Last weekend Mamoru and I celebrated out anniversary.  It’s not our official anniversary but on the day our house will be crowded with guests.  Not very romantic.  Mamoru surprised me with the most delicious tempura I’d ever had.  He said the restaurant was a Michelin Star restaurant.  I could see why.  It was so good.  After that we went to a quiet but beautiful rock garden and then had high tea at a fancy hotel overlooking the river.  When I went to the bathroom, I came back to flowers on the table.  I cried.  Mamoru can be romantic given enough preparation.  The flowers were roses and dahlias (my favorite flower).  It was pretty close to a perfect day.

On Christmas (a working day in Japan), Rei messaged me saying her loser boyfriend had abandoned her to spend Christmas with his old coworkers, so I sent Shingo to go get her while I went to get Naru at the airport.  Back at the house (with Mamoru home) we ate Christmas cookies (that I spent all day making) and a vegetable tray and opened presents.  It was such a wonderfully happy day despite the absence of the gleeful screams of children opening presents.  Interesting fact: for Mamoru and me this was our first Christmas together.  Since we met every other Christmas I’ve been in America and him in Japan.  I told him that I hope this year marks the first of many Christmases together as we attempt once again to build our family.

This season is particularly hard for anyone struggling with anything.  I urge you to be extra kind this time of year.  To my readers, I hope the holidays so far have been good to you.  I hope you got everything you wanted for Christmas and this New Year’s brings new beginnings and much much more happiness than 2017.  Be well.

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8 thoughts on “’tis the season…

  1. “Apparently everyone one thinks that this is the perfect time of year to post these things.”… and then they preface the announcement with “best Christmas present ever!”. Because I don’t feel shit enough about my period starting on Christmas Eve. Two days early I might add. Happy Christmas to me?!

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  2. It’s always a trip because Christmas can be so difficult but then as soon as today hit I felt full of hope knowing that the year is almost up and we have a new one to kick off next week. Hey I was curious, do you have dual Japanese/American citizenship? And if so, with that would you be able to adopt from an American agency and bypass the rules in Japan? Or is that not possible? I had always wondered about that if my Aussie husband and I were living there instead of here as it’s so crazy hard to adopt there as well…

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    1. America doesn’t offer dual citizenship with Japan. I’m an American citizen but Japanese resident. I think we’d have to wait even longer to adopt from and American agency since we don’t reside in the US.

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      1. I wouldn’t make that assumption actually about your residency affecting it as I remember when we were starting out the process to adopt from Ethiopia that there were people who were stationed in the military all around the world who worked with the adoption agency, they just had to find a social worker who could do the home study. I would be more than happy to ask our agency about it if you want… doesn’t hurt?

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      2. That’s very kind. I appreciate the offer. Right now we decided to focus all our efforts on Japanese NPOs. The government isn’t the only option we have. It’s one of six. We’re going to focus on these and see how they play out. Government institutions are not the fastest nor most efficient way to adopt in Japan but we want to exhaust all possibilities here before we look elsewhere.

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