I’ve been feeling weird lately. Basically, I have had an accelerated heart rate and some things have been making me sick like some foods and some amusement park rides. Mamoru went to this gym at about 11:30 so I thought that would be a good time to take a pregnancy test. Basically the last time we had sex was right in the middle of my cycle. I had lingering fears that I could possibly get pregnant and then subsequently lose the baby like the other two times I’ve gotten preggo.
Lo and behold:
I immediately popped a prenatal vitamin. The problem is that I can’t be happy about this. Instead I’m really freaked out. I had a couple drinks in the DPO. I went on some amusement park rides. I didn’t take vitamins. I’ve had two miscarriages. Will this be three? What if something is wrong with this baby? What if…what if…what if…? I’m shaking and near tears typing this. I contemplated not telling Mamoru. Why get his hopes up you know? I thought I could just go to the doctor and then either give him good news or no news. Luckily one of the Kindara ladies talked me out of that foolishness. He’ll be back from the gym soon. I’ll tell him then. I’m so so scared. I hate that miscarriage makes you feel like this. I hate that infertility makes you feel like this. Like I can’t even enjoy pregnancy like normal people. Please think good thoughts for me. I’m seven kinds of scared right now.