Today I am 5 weeks pregnant. I never thought I’d type that line let alone actually be 5 weeks pregnant. Most days I still can’t believe this is real. Mamoru caught a cold so I’ve been staying away from him. I bought some masks to wear on the train. I’m worried about catching something while commuting which I don’t normally do (commute that is). I told Mamoru the other day that I was afraid my body couldn’t grow this baby and fight off a cold too. Luckily the prenatal I take has Vitamin C and Zinc and other cold busting stuff in it.
I’m still scared every day. I don’t know when I’ll ever stop feeling scared to lose this baby. Maybe after 12 weeks, maybe never. Things that make this seem less scary are doing things like continuing to take pregnancy tests, taking my temperature (a solid 36.92°C this morning), talking about hospital requirements and earlier blood tests (which Mamoru and I did at breakfast this morning) as well as taking my first belly photo (before breakfast this morning). I sometimes worry that I’m not eating enough (amid the 18 billion other worries I have). Being on a diet for almost a year really changed how I eat. On my diet I ate breakfast, snacks (no lunch), and dinner. Now I am back to eating three meals and snacking throughout the day. I hope that is enough. Every website recommends eating small meals throughout the day. If I wasn’t working that would be easy. Since I’m still working it’s a little more difficult. This week I’m at the main branch of Company H and we are unable to eat in the office (the exact opposite of the other branch of Company H. I’m hoping I can sneak out enough times during the day to have snacks. I’m also wondering if I’m going to have to do like my coworker does and eat on the walk into the office. Hell maybe I’ll start feeling nauseous and won’t want to eat much besides crackers.
Also, sore boobs are no fucking joke. Constant ow going on there makes me not want to wear a bra at all. Speaking of bras I found some post weight loss bras that I saved which will be good when these boobies get too big for the bras I have now.
My next doctor’s appointment is Friday (5 weeks, 5 days). What if there are twins in there? Twins or no, boy or girl, honestly I would just be happy with a healthy fetus which eventually resulted in a healthy baby. Fingers crossed!