Japan · Life · Miscarriage

About the D&C…

We arrived at the clinic for my D&C at promptly 9AM.  At 9:30AM they took me back, but said Mamoru could not go with me.  I started to cry and told him I love him and headed back.  The receptionist took me to a room with 5 beds fused together in a boat of beds.  This meant there was no walking space between each of the beds and the only privacy was a curtain.  Yay Japan.  Fortunately for me (or the nurses) I was the only patient getting their dead baby removed that day.  At close to 10:00AM the assisting nurse came and introduced herself.  She was my favorite person of the day.  She was kind, comforting, friendly, and spoke slowly using simple Japanese (more on why that wasn’t patronizing later).  I lied on the bed until about 11:00AM when my nurse took me into the operating room which was connected by a set of metal doors to the boat beds room.  This room was terrifying.  There was a huge lamp with 6 or 7 separate bright lights attached to it.  It looked so alien.  There was a bed with stirrups which they strap your legs into (and later arm straps as well).  My nurse got me situated on the table and then another nurse came in to do an ultrasound.  Then she began to dilate me.  I’m sure she told me what was happening, but medical Japanese isn’t easy Japanese, and I didn’t quite understand.  She basically pried my cervix open without giving me any anesthesia or pain medicine.  It hurt so badly that I started to sweat and cry.  My nurse was by my side comforting me (one of the reasons I thought she was the best) but at that point my Japanese was less than spectacular and all I could say was いたい which means “it hurts” and 寝たい which means “I want to sleep” but I said it wrong and I said 寝むたい and she didn’t quite understand what I was saying.  After that horrific ordeal, my nurse tried to give me an IV with pain medicine.  Unfortunately (for me), she stabbed me twice before giving up and calling another nurse to come try.  She stabbed me once before giving up and yet a different nurse finally put the IV into a vein in the crease of the inside of my elbow.  By this time I was so fucking numb from everything that had happened that I didn’t really give two fucks about this.  Plus I was on the phone with Mamoru whining about what had just happened in the operating room trying to get some explanation.

After the pain medicine kicked in, I dozed in and out of sleep until about 1:30PM when my nurse took me back to the operating room.  The doctor was there this time.  This time I was strapped to the stirrups again and then they strapped my arms in as well which really freaked me out.  The doctor ordered the nurse to give the anesthesia and I heard the nurse say “started” and “finished” in Japanese.  After that I was gone to the world.

I woke up at about 3:00PM and my nurse came to ask if I was okay.  I said I was okay.  I asked if I could leave at that point which was silly because I was so still drunk from the anesthesia that I drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour.  Of course, she said I had to stay a little longer.  At close to 4:00PM, my nurse came back and asked if I needed to go to the bathroom.  I said no but she made me go anyway.  I didn’t realize it at the time but they had put 2 tampons up there to catch the blood.  She asked me when I came out of the bathroom if there was any blood.  I said no.  She said that was good, and I could call my husband, get dressed, and then go home.  She disappeared and then came back with some medicine and explained I was to take these 3 times a day with breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  After she said this I said to her in Japanese that she is such a kind person and I thanked her for that.  I think I was so lucky to have her as my nurse.  If I had had that bitch who pried open my cervix, I would have had the worst day ever.  She was not kind or patient at all.  She was terse and short-tempered in the face of my not being able to speak Japanese when she was prying my cervix open without painkillers.  Hey want to force someone to lose a learned language?  Put them in a physically painful situation.  That’ll do it.

Mamoru took me home, and I promptly went to the sofa to sleep some more.  I can honestly say I’ve never been happier to be home than right at that moment.  He bought us some big delicious 弁当 (mine specially made vegetarian).  I didn’t feel hungry until about 6:30PM.  The 弁当 was two tiered and packed with tons of food.  I ate about 3.5 sections of the 9 sections in one tier of the box.  Later I ate like 10 Doritos Blaze and a couple jelly beans.  I drank a ton of water.  Mamoru and I watched The Cloverfield Paradox which was pretty good.  I went to bed around 9:30PM (but not before taking out the two tampons).  I didn’t bleed too much after that or much at night (despite wearing a diaper sized pad).  Mamoru and I slept on the sofa together (which by the way is uncomfortable AF, and I have no idea how he can sleep there).

This morning I woke up at about 7AM and immediately got in the shower.  It was the best shower I’ve had in ages.  I ate breakfast, took my medicine and am now back in my comfortable bed.  My plan is to eat the rest of that giant 弁当 throughout the day and binge some (TBD) Netflix TV show.  I pretty much only have back pain (from that damn sofa) and a headache which has been hanging around since yesterday morning.  No uterus pain though and the bleeding has decreased to mostly spotting.  I’m beyond happy to take it easy this week and not have to worry about freelance work until next week.  I’m also beyond happy to be clean and in my own bed.

I think this experience was okay.  Even the pain of the forced dilation didn’t compare to the pain of miscarrying on my own (during my first MC).  Hopefully, I never have to experience this again but if I do, this is the way I’d go without a second thought.  Now Mamoru and I wait a week for the results of the why of this MC.  I don’t know if it’ll will give us any hope or peace of mind but at least we’ll have some definite answers this time.

I might not have much to say this week.  I can’t even begin to describe how I feel.  I guess empty and distant (like I’m looking at my life from afar as a spectator and not a participator).  I don’t know if that makes any sense to you.  To be honest it doesn’t make much sense to me.  Take care of yourself and those you love.  Our battles may be different but they are important nonetheless.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for your comments and support.  I really appreciate them during this difficult time.  Be well.


2 thoughts on “About the D&C…

  1. I don’t know if you’ll read this but all the love to you! I really wish you all the best and you might not believe me but I was talking to a friend of mine about your story and she told me to wish you all the best as well!!

    In your own words: be well!


    1. I do read all the comments people leave and I appreciate the well wishes from you and your friend. These days I don’t feel much like engaging in conversation. I guess that’s how I’m processing this loss at the moment.

      Liked by 1 person

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