Adoption · Japan · Life · Mental Health · Miscarriage

Friendship in spring…

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately.  Why?  Because lately the world of friends has been confusing at best.

First of all I have to say that my friendship with Rei is as good as ever.  She is an awesome and hilarious person.  No problems there.  I love her to pieces.

Kotono sent me a message in January.  The last I had seen her was October?  Maybe.  I don’t care enough to remember.  Anyway, after blowing me off countless times, I basically blew off our friendship cutting off contact with her.  Randomly, she sents me a message in January saying she wants to “clear the air”.  I didn’t respond until March saying I was sick and in the hospital (never explaining anything further than that).  I told her we don’t need to meet.  We obviously have different interests and went separate ways.  I think we can just live our lives separate without each other.  She was worried I would be a bitch to her if I saw her at an event or something.  Besides yoga (which ends this month because my teacher is moving back to the US), where would I possibly fucking see her?  Anyway, I told her I wouldn’t treat her badly; I’m not an asshole.  That was that.  We don’t have meet nor talk again.  I’m just fine with all of this.

He wished me a Happy New Year.  Haven’t spoken to him or seen him since October.  Not really sad about it.

We trade comments back and forth on Facebook.  Beyond that we don’t talk privately.  We make each other laugh.  That’s just fine by me.

I haven’t spoken to him since he acted like an asshole on my birthday (October).  He recently popped up on Instagram bragging about how much money he spent at a nightclub in London.  I didn’t like the post and I’m just fine not speaking to him until forever.  I think we all remember he was a bad friend.  One of the worst.

I haven’t seen Gurio since December.  Last we spoke in January he told he was getting his freelance work done online and at that time I was pregnant and exhausted.  He’s not contacted me since nor I him.  I don’t have any particular feelings either way about this.

I’ve not seen Mimi since December when we met for coffee and I bought her band’s CD to give to Shingo for Christmas.  She’s 6 months pregnant now.  She keeps saying she’s always too busy to meet me.  I wish I could see her because I’d like to give her some of my maternity clothes.  I don’t know if she wants to be friends with me or not still.  I couldn’t go to her last show because I was too sick because of the pregnancy and I can’t go to her next show because Mamoru and I will be in a different city for an adoption seminar.  I’m pretty sad about all this.

Motoki posted some pictures of him and his son recently on Facebook.  Seeing those pictures made me really miss him and miss talking to him.  I just realized we’ve not talked for almost a year.  Shit that makes me even sadder.

Out of the clear blue sky, Yuichiro invited me to a live show last week where he was singing chorus (but I couldn’t go due to freelance work).  He also went on to say that he wanted things to be like before where we talked all the time.  Huh?  I’m super conflicted about this situation and want to hate him and be angry still but I just can’t.  Nice girl problems.

With the exception of Eiru and Motoki (who don’t live here) what the actual fuck is wrong with this city?  Is everyone here fucking insane?  Does winter turn everyone in this city into a fucking asshole?  Once the weather gets warmer, people start acting normal again?  I don’t know man.  I’ve only lived here like a year and a half.  I’m not a fucking expert on this city.  Having friends here (or trying to have friends here) is exhausting and bad for my mental health.  I literally only want to spend time with Rei as she’s the only one here who hasn’t been a shit friend.  (Could it be because she’s not from this city?)  If you can tell me why you think people are asshats, I’d listen to your theories.

In other news STILL no word from the NPO about our home visit.  I’m going crazy here.  A woman who adopted from the same NPO said that a home visit makes things go faster in the future.  Yes, I know.  I don’t feel like things are moving fast at this point.  Maybe they are moving fast if I think about it.  In January I was pregnant.  It’s March and now I’m not.  We started the adoption process in November and now it’s March.  Still no baby but we’ve completed 2/3 of the government classes and met with various other NPOs and we are still going strong and not given up hope.  Time is a funny thing.  It’s funny how much time changes people and things.

These are just my nighttime musings.  I don’t know how much sense I make.  I do remember that friendship is much easier when you’re younger.  Things become more difficult as you get older.  I hope things are good with you and your friends.  Be well.

One thought on “Friendship in spring…

  1. Making friends as an adult is hard, but honestly I don’t remember it being much easier when I was younger. There was just more opportunity – faced with an entire school full of other kids there had to be at least a few who liked me! As an adult I only meet a few people then I have to hope that those few people won’t think I’m a complete weirdo. After nearly 3 years in Switzerland I’ve made 2 friends here, and really I’m not even sure whether they’re “friends” or still just “acquaintances”.


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