Adoption · Japan · Life · Miscarriage · Music · Pregnancy

About the weekend and the MC…

Hello!  I hope everyone had a nice weekend.  I am recovering from a 6AM wake up yesterday and a late night out and a 7:30AM wake up this morning.  (If I was tired because of children I think I’d be less likely to complain, but unfortunately that’s not the case right now.)

On Saturday Mamoru and I took an express train and in about 2 hours and 30 minutes ended up in a city I’ve never been to to attend an adoption seminar (that makes 4? now).  I found this seminar to be the most hopeful despite some things I’ll delve into in a few.  First, the director of the NPO adopted 5 children after going through infertility treatments with his wife.  He encouraged couples to adopt 2 or more children (well that’s good considering we want 3, roadblocks to getting there aside).  Furthermore, he not only encouraged the couples there to adopt through other NPOs, he gave us a list of NPOs more comprehensive than anything we’ve accumulated ourselves.  I was shocked and surprised by this gesture (especially because a different NPO flat out told us not to adopt with a certain NPO claiming “they’re only interested in money” and incidentally the NPO, who we are not working with, who told us that, also told us they would only give healthy babies to purely Japanese couples).  I got the feeling that this man truly cares about helping children in need of families.  However, we have some hurdles to jump before we can continue with this NPO.  We have to complete our classes through our local institution.  If you recall, we’ve completed 2/3 and have to wait for the spring session.  Furthermore, the director of this NPO is having some health problems, so he is limiting the amount of interviews he’s doing. My absolute favorite part of the seminar (any seminar really that does this) is testimonials from parents who have already adopted.  One dad said, “This is not my birth son, but he quickly came to resemble me”.  All the children were so cute and happy.

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We managed to see some early blooming 桜!

Once back at the hotel, we had a nice buffet dinner and then decided to go to the hotel pool.  While in the hot tub, I was accosted by a staff member who explained that they have a tattoo policy (in an American based international posh hotel chain).  I was shocked and angry.  The staff member brought me a shirt to cover up with and then said I couldn’t use the bath.  I felt this was pretty shitty and just another example of everything about Japan that refuses to move forward.  I told Mamoru it wasn’t just about the tattoos.  It was about treatment of women and children, adoption, the institutions, the refusing of foreign couples, everything that is so fucking backward about this country.  I love Japan, but I can’t understand some of the dumb shit this country does sometimes.

On Sunday we had the breakfast buffet and headed to Starbucks.  I made quick work of the list the director gave us and checked off NPOs we had already been in contact with.  I found some email addresses and Mamoru contacted the rest on the list.  We had lunch with some of Mamoru’s friends and then headed back home to get Small Lady.

After that I went to see Mimi’s band play their last live show for a long time since she can’t do shows while super pregnant she said.  I passed off some of my maternity clothes to her and she was so happy because she didn’t have any maternity clothes (even though I doubt she needs them because she’s 22 weeks and looked like I did at 8 weeks).  I explained to her what happened to me and I cried and felt so bad, but she comforted me and hugged me a lot.  She’s such a kind person.

I came home, showered off the smoke smell (seriously Japan it’s gross), and crashed.  I had to wake up early today for a brief meeting at Company H (which I didn’t cycle to but should have since it wasn’t raining until I got home.  The rain continued all afternoon.  I napped and then woke up groggy.  Mamoru came to pick me up, and we went to the clinic for the last time.  Once there, we didn’t have to wait long until the doctor called us back.  This time he had the results of the MC.  Our baby had Trisomy 18 which means it had a third chromosome 18.  (When I read about this later, I found this this is incredibly life-threatening and babies is carried to term with this, rarely live until their 1st birthday.  In this case, I think a MC was definitely the best thing.  I can’t even imagine having to bury an infant.) One thing that I wasn’t thinking about was the fact that genetic testing obviously reveals the baby’s gender (duh).  There it was in black and white.  Our baby had been a girl.  I cried then because I’ve always always wanted a little girl.  I was also surprised that my chart had been mistaken, and the whole time I had been calling this baby a boy.  Our prince had been a princess all along.  I guess Shettles isn’t always correct.  Mamoru was happy to hear that it was a genetic issue and that nothing is wrong with me.  He wants to try again.  I am extremely hesitant.  Even though I would love to have my own child, the genetic screening said that subsequent pregnancies could also result in MCs.  Also, I am 38, I’ve had 3 MCs already, and I’m not getting any younger.  All these are red flags for me.  I’d rather focus all our energies on adoption.  What would you do?  However, the doctor (who I really liked) has referred us to an infertility specialist who can help us (without the use of IVF per my insistence). I guess we’ll see what happens.  Finally, my uterus got a clean bill of health.  The egg sac is gone, and my endometrium is nice and thick (preparing to shed no doubt), and I should expect a period soon (which I already knew because CM has changed).

The weather is expected to be shit (rainy) all week.  Yay!  At least I don’t have much to do and Wednesday is a holiday, so Mamoru and I are planning an outing.  We’ll have lunch and then go to Costco.  While, I’m looking forward to that, I am not looking forward to this rain.  I hope you’re having better weather than I am.  Be well.

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6 thoughts on “About the weekend and the MC…

  1. We have sunshine today but it’s still cold. The sun is no use to me though since I’m working until it gets dark.

    Sounds like a positive meeting. I am really hopeful that you will get a baby to adopt.

    Good that you finally found out why the miscarriage happened. Although I have never miscarried (I would have to actually be able to get pregnant for that!) I totally agree with you that a miscarriage is preferable to having to bury an infant. My friend’s first child died from an inherited disease (it’s recessive and they had no idea they even both carried the gene until they conceived and found out the baby had it). They had genetic testing done for all their subsequent pregnancies and had a termination with the one that was affected because they couldn’t face watching another baby die. I fully support that decision.

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  2. Really interesting about your adoption seminar, especially about the encouragement to adopt two or more children at once (we’ve been told never to adopt more than one at a time as first time parents) and about going through more than one agency (most agencies that we have talked to will not allow you to work with more than one at a time… That being said there’s no way we could afford the expensive working with multiple agencies… Especially considering we have spent well over $60,000 on the International agency that fell through when Ethiopia closed their doors and six rounds of IVF).

    For me it really came down to being emotionally done with all the heartache that comes with trying to get pregnant, and choosing my mental health which meant stopping IVF. I know your situation is different because you’ve been able to get pregnant naturally, so that’s a whole different kettle of fish since our attempts were scheduled. The Intriguing thing about your situation is that you’ve been able to find out what happened with your miscarriages which I was never offered the opportunity. And of course as you probably know with IVF you can get the embryos test it to make sure none of them have chromosomal abnormalities. It’s quite a cluster to think about, all I can say from my own individual experience is that now that it’s almost a year since we quit IVF it sure is nice to not have to think about that, even if it did mean giving up the dream of pregnancy. We had to give up the dream of my genetics being involved years ago anyhow since I don’t make any eggs, so I suppose I went through that initial grief a while back since all of our failed IVF rounds were with donor eggs.

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