Adoption · Japan · Life · Mental Health · Miscarriage

Babies, Japanese, and friendship…

Yesterday was rough.  Rough.  Another adoption closed on the online NPO.  Another child we applied to adopt given to another couple and not us.  Meanwhile, literally everywhere I was was swarmed with families.  You’d think it was a holiday but no.  A plain old Monday.  I saw a mama on her bicycle.  One child in the front seat and one in the back and a baby on her back.  I asked myself could that me be someday?  I couldn’t envision myself in her place.  Why does that day seem so far away?  So very far away.

I got a bit of an early start riding my bike up to the huge touristy area.  I went to buy a Japanese textbook since it was out of stock on Amazon.  Luckily, someone on a Facebook group was selling one.  How nicely the stars aligned there.  After that I decided to go get breakfast since I skipped it.  I waited in line at the only known breakfast joint and finally sat down to some Eggs Benedict.  After that I rode around spinning Pokéstops and fought a couple of raids.  Children and families everywhere.  Babies everywhere.

I wish it were that easy.

After that I rode to my Japanese lesson.  I was annoyed the entire time. Besides the babies everywhere, I am so unhappy with my teacher.  She doesn’t explain things very well.  She relies on me to start the conversation which is dumb.  She rarely asks me any questions at all.  Mimi is better at teaching me Japanese, and she’s not even trying to.  Sigh.  Last week I got one good hit for a new teacher, but she’s farther than I would like to go.  Even though it’s easy to get around by bicycle, biking to my lesson eats up a good chunk of time on my one weekday off.  Today, however, something came in the mail.  A new teacher is just two stops away (at a place I ride my bike to all the time)!  I promptly sent her an email saying I’d like a trial lesson.

Back to yesterday, when I got home I watched a little “Santa Clarita Diet”, ate some dinner, put the laundry in, and cleaned up my dishes (trying to keep busy and not think about all the babies everywhere).  I listened to the small child next door sing on the balcony.  It hurt my heart a little.  I took a shower and was getting ready to veg and watch TV when something odd happened.  Eiru sent me a message on Facebook via Messenger.  He had never messaged me before (which made me think he didn’t have the app on his phone).  I figured what the hell.  I’m bored.  I’m lonely.  I’ve had a shit day.  I doubt talking to Eiru could make it worse.  It might just make it better.  He asked me for pictures of my tattoos which I sent him.  Some of my tattoos are from a shared favorite book of ours.  This turned into me saying it’s not 2001.  We can use video chat, so he called me, and we must have talked for at least 40 minutes.  It was very strange.  We played very little catch up.  At one point he asked me if I was gonna “bust out any kids”.  I said that’s a sensitive topic (laughing nervously), and we should just skip it.  He was perfectly fine with that answer and never mentioned it again.  Actually most of the conversation seemed like as if no time had passed between us when in reality more than ten years had.  We talked about books and movies, he told me funny stories, and it felt like I had just talked to him yesterday.  It did good to cheer me up.  Those are my favorite kinds of friends, the “pick up where you left off’ kind.  Naru and I have a friendship like that.  It’s my most cherished friendship.

Today is Tuesday and I have no big plans nor freelance work.  The weather is lovely.  I may ride up to a nearby park and photograph some cherry blossoms.  Some of the trees are in full bloom and others haven’t started or barely started.  It depends on the variety of tree.  I’m no expert though.  On the other hand, I may just be lazy all day and watch Netflix.  AF has arrived in full force today after two days of spotting.  It’s my first real period since the MC.  I’m feeling okay at the moment.  A little crampy but not too bad.

I guess that’s it.  Things aren’t great, but they aren’t horrible either.  I’m off to eat breakfast since it’s 10:30, and I’m super hungry.  I hop you have a great week.  Be well.

6 thoughts on “Babies, Japanese, and friendship…

  1. It’s the Easter holidays here, so there are definitely more children around when I go to the supermarket in my lunch break. And a childhood friend announced on Facebook yesterday that she’s pregnant with her FOURTH! That’s the second time in about 10 days that someone has announced that their pregnant with number 4. The other one literally said they had “mixed emotions” and hashtagged the photo “NOT planned”. I can’t even get pregnant once, on purpose. How is that fair?! Meanwhile I received a letter from the doctor to pass on to my health insurance, asking them to fund IUI for me.

    I hope you and your husband get chosen soon. I really think you’re going to be an amazing mum.


    1. Thank you. I think you will be too. I totally agree with you. It’s so unfair. Why do people get to have multiple “Oops babies” that they say they don’t want when others are still struggling to have one. It’s so unbalanced. I’m hoping you IUI goes well!


  2. Yes. I’ve noticed since schools let out all the babies and kids everywhere. You can’t go to a cafe without hearing the screams of a baby. I can’t wait for the return of school year and I’m not even a parent. I just want other people’s kids back in school.

    May I ask what sight did you use to find your teachers? If you don’t want to publicly post maybe you could send it on facebook. I might use it myself.

    Liked by 1 person

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