“And then like Pandora, opening the great big box of the world and not being afraid, not caring whether what’s inside is good or bad. Because it’s both. Everything is always both.
But you have to open it to find that out.”
I’m reading this book now called The Girl with All the Gifts. Setsuna gave it to me some 2 years ago because she thought I’d like it. Because I generally don’t read paper books much any more, it sat on my bookshelf for some two years. Recently, I found that Eiru enjoyed it. More than ten years later and he’s still sending books my way. I mean when I found he was following me on Twitter, I needed to know why. I need to jump into his psyche, and so I read House of Leaves, a book I never thought I’d read but one that helped me understand him better. I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s still sending me books at least psychically anyway.
Anyway this above quote hit me hard because of something Naru said yesterday. I don’t think you know the whole story of Eiru…how we lost contact. I can’t remember the specifics, but I know he was cruel and cut off contact, and I was angry about that. During our friendship he had a pattern of disappearing and then reappearing. (Why is that the case for a lot of my friends?) However, the last time he disappeared, he disappeared for good, and eventually as the years wore on, I forgot all about his existence. Then, I moved to Japan and yadda yadda yadda you know the rest. I told Naru I was afraid he’d disappear again unable to be found, to be contacted, his whereabouts utterly unknown just like the last time. Naru and I talked about fate, and she said that our decisions ultimately determine our destinies.
My argument was, “What about outside factors, ones we have no control over? Like for instance, Eiru called me. I had no control over that.”
She said sagely, “But you can control how you react to outside factors. For example, you could have chose not to answer the phone.”
It’s true. I could have ignored the phone call. I could have turned my phone off, but I didn’t. I had to know the outcome of the call, the outcome of it all. Perhaps it will end up good. Perhaps Eiru and I will continue our friendship like we hadn’t been on a 10+ year hiatus. Perhaps it will be bad, and he’ll disappear again. (I mean I hope not.) Like the quote up above says “…you have to open it to find that out.” I couldn’t ignore the call. Like the Pandora allusion the book mentions, curiosity got the better of me. I had to answer the phone. The character in the book above says life is always good and bad, and maybe this situation is the same. The only thing I can do is follow through with it and see what happens.
I hope Eiru will continue to be my friend, but even if he doesn’t, I got some pretty great book recommendations from him.