Adoption · Japan · Life · Mental Health · Miscarriage


Perhaps you remember my last post where my mental health deteriorated to the point that I couldn’t find my keys which were in my bag the whole time.

Yesterday was another for the books.  Some point between changing my clothes in the bathroom and walking into the office.  I lost my phone.  Unfortunately, I had a meeting right when I walked in which was already fucking bullshit, and I hate when they do that to us (as it happens more often than I’d like).  So I did what any person with anxiety would do, I dumped the contents of my bag on the floor (which is gross) looking for my phone.  It wasn’t there.  My supervisor decided to be the sane one between the two of us and call the main office and see if anyone had turned it in.  Luckily, someone had, but I missed my meeting (my supervisor took it for me which was pretty weak on my part) and was a hot mess for a while thereafter.

On Tuesday night Mamoru said he wanted to talk.  Some time in March, we applied to adopt a baby boy that was supposed to be born in April.  The birth mother chose us, we had a home visit, and then we heard nothing.  After no word and the adoption was marked closed, Mamoru called the agency, and they told us that the birth mother decided to keep the baby.  On Tuesday night Mamoru told me that the agency called him and asked him if we’d be willing to take the baby as since he was born, he’d been living in a clinic and the birth mother couldn’t take care of him.  I was apprehensive already as this birth mother changed her mind twice already.  I told Mamoru that I didn’t want to lose another baby (after our recent MC).  I especially didn’t want to become attached to him if his unstable birth mother would decide to take him away from us (which she could legally do any time before the adoption was closed).  What’s more, is that Mamoru and I have plane tickets to visit my hometown, and Naru and Shingo will be meeting us there.  I didn’t think we could travel with a baby that wasn’t legally ours, and it would be shitty for Naru and Shingo to lose that money.  Also, we are finishing up our certification with the city office.  If we adopted now, we’d be unable to finish this.  Well it turns out that all this worrying was for nothing as Mamoru called the agency woman yesterday and she told him that the birth mother picked up the baby from the clinic and took him home.  So not only has she told us we could adopt the baby once and changed her mind but now twice.  She has hurt a lot of people and is very unstable, and in my opinion she shouldn’t be caring for a baby.  However, there is nothing we can do about this as Japan is a birth mother favored country.  I told Mamoru I’m afraid that baby will eventually be institutionalized because of his birth mother’s awful behavior.

Mamoru moped around all night and wouldn’t talk to me.  I don’t know if he was upset about the baby, about me drinking last night, or just tired as he said he was.  I tried to get him to talk to me in the morning (as I’ve been sleeping horribly since the issue with the baby and was up early).  He talked to me a little and seemed less mopey but since Shingo left he’s back to sleeping on the sofa.  He complained that it was because the bedroom was too cold, but it was on the anti-humidity setting at 25°.  Sigh.  Anything not to sleep in the bed.

This week has been so fucking balls you guys.  I am 487% done with this fucking bullshit.  Fortunately, I don’t have freelance on Friday and tomorrow is also payday.  If I can make it through my Japanese lesson tomorrow, then the rest of the day should be super easy.  I’ve had too much alcohol this week having a least one drink every day this week.  I decided I’m not gonna drink anything tonight and try to get a full night’s sleep.  I hope your week is going better than mine.  Be well.

6 thoughts on ““3…2…1…fun!”

  1. I’m not sure if I’ve replied before, but heartache and stress was one reason why we turned to surrogacy to start a family. We considered domestic at one point, but being in Canada and being a mixed ethnicity (Chinese for me, Eastern European for him) and mixed faith (“technical Catholic” (me) and a non-practicing Jew for him) makes things all the more difficult. We decided after one year that domestic wasn’t going to happen. We considered international adoption, but restrictions and my health issues also made it difficult. 😦 I’m not sure if surrogacy is even possible in Japan, but I know that many people from countries where surrogacy is NOT possible find surrogates abroad. Unfortunately, surrogacy can be very expensive – even in countries like Canada where you cannot compensate them (you can reimburse and you need to pay for medical expenses).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Surrogacy is illegal in Japan. I’m not sure why exactly but I think it may have something to do with the family registry here. Anyway I’m glad that it worked for you but it’s not for us. Adoption is basically all we have left.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It makes me so sad to read about that birth mother. She sounds very unstable and that baby will have a rough life if that mother raises the child. She would very likely take the child back before any adoption went through.

    Liked by 1 person

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